User’s Guide to Dismantling Bi Stereotypes – Volume Two

10/12/2018

istock/grinvalds

Welcome back, readers! I just love writing for bi.org, and I super love reading feedback on articles – especially if they go over well! (Hey, I’m human – I am not immune to praise.)

Sometimes I write articles and send them off into the cyber void, with the hope that someone somewhere will resonate with the piece. But the funny thing is, no matter how long I’ve been writing, I can never tell what will be a hit and what will be met with crickets. So when I got so fed up with the same twenty questions about my sexual orientation that I decided to whip up some comebacks to the stereotypes… I was bowled over how much people really responded to the clap-backs!

Look, being bi in this hetero-normative world is tough. Most of us wrestle with our identity for years before giving it a name, and when we finally breathe life into the declaration, and then are met with scorn and derisive comments…it can corrode the soul. But having a good sense of humor can be some of the best armor against detractors out in this still-evolving world.

That said, I had multiple bi+ people respond about the piece … and say that it didn’t cover all the questions they got! Unfortunately, there are still more stereotypes out there than truths about our orientation, and despite media representation improving over the past few years…we have quite a ways to go.

So in the meantime, here are a few quips if you want the nosy bastards off your back for a few minutes. Pro tip: Don’t be afraid to be a jerk – they were a jerk first by not thinking through how their question might sound outside of their head.

So let’s get started! I’ve even found the perfect background music while you read, in case the theme of this interchange isn’t clear.

 

So you’re bi. Are you still into feminine things?

Yes. My strap-on is the prettiest shade of pink!

Like, so you’ve been with a woman? How do you know if she climaxed?

Wow, that is such a weird job interview question.

Does that mean you love gay things, like musicals?

HAMILTON is for everybody, honeybunch! “does a step-kick into a pirouette*

Why do you come out on the first date? Don’t you want to save that til later so you don’t scare them off?
Because it’s not a secret and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s a big part of who I am. All the opposite things of you being an asshole.
God, do you have to be so out? You’re, like, almost preachy.

Ahem.  Yes. I do. And you know what? By being so out, I cannot tell you how many times people felt comfortable talking to me about their bi leanings. I’m out so others can see it’s okay.

But don’t worry. I’m sure your judgmental declarations do the same thing for them.

Oh, you mean you’re pan/fluid.

I prefer the term bi for myself for a whole mess of reasons, and won’t judge someone who chooses those labels for themselves. But it doesn’t fit me. Just like you and those cargo pants.

You’re just greedy.

Ah, yes. You hit the nail on the head. I view all the genders like Pokémon. I gotta catch ‘em all!

Straight dude: So does that mean threesomes are on the table? *snicker*

You know, I’ve been getting asked that question for literally half my lifetime – even before I had done anything other than kiss a person. And boy howdy, the question gets more and more original every time I hear it.

So you’re just telling me you cheat ahead of time, then.

Look behind you. You see that row of seats? Take several of them.

So you’re half-gay, then?

No, I’m 100% bi. Just like you’re a Grade A dill-weed.

Straight dude: Oh, so you’ll just leave me for a chick.

Keep making assumptions like that and I’ll leave you just for some peace and quiet.

Gay woman: Oh, so you’ll just leave me for some dude.

Look, I know that bis have been the punching bag in your community for a long time. But I’ve taken boxing lessons. Do you wanna see my upper cut?

You’re so indecisive. Fence sitter.

Not at all. I decided you weren’t worth my time as soon as you started name-calling.

So you’re sexually attracted to everyone? Men, women, dogs, trees?

I ain’t here to kink shame anyone. In fact, I’m here to help. How long have you been in love with your neighborhood birch tree?

So you kissed a girl and you liked it?

I’ll give you two options here:

1)

via GIPHY

2) I did. And now you’ll never get to see the proof.

You like all the toppings, then.

Wait, are we talking figuratively or with pizza? Because YES.

Are all bis into fantasy/sci-fi, or does it just seem that way?

Just like the breeders, not everyone is into these genres. But I will say those who do probably loved it for the possibilities for characters and worlds to extend beyond the judgmental assumptions of this realm. *stares until you take the hint*

Straight dude: No, but seriously – can we have a threesome? That’d be so hot.

Sure! But I pick the guy.

~~~~~

Well, that was fun! I hope if people don’t take my suggestions word for word, we can all agree invasive questions suck – but they don’t have to. Sometimes a snappy comeback will knock people out of their assumptions and realize they were being a doofus. Other times, they will be thrown just long enough to escape their orbit and go grab another cocktail. Either way: win-win.

And because we’re in Halloween season: To quote the great David S. Pumpkins ….

Any questions?

via GIPHY

Jennie Roberson
Jennie Roberson is a comedic actress and screenwriter currently living in Los Angeles. She just finished her first novel (a bi coming-of-age tale, naturally) and hopes to share it with the world soon. When she's not busy binging on Star Trek or dreaming of her future cat army, you can find her occasional thoughts between mountains of re-tweets at her Twitter handle, @JennieRoberson.