This Bi Life: I’m Married and I’m Bi
It’s pride month, a month that celebrates the LGBTQ community. It’s inspiring to see so many people speak their truth and after seeing so many others take that brave step, I decided, in honor of pride month, to finally open up about mine.
So here it is: I am a bi.
This might be a confusing statement to some, especially to those that have gotten to know me. Yes, I am in a committed relationship with a woman and yes she is the love of my life, my soulmate, my everything. But that doesn’t mean I’m straight. It means I am attracted to men and women, it just happens that I’ve chosen to be with the person who I find most beautiful in the world. To me, there is no one that compares to the beauty she possesses, both inside and out.
You might be asking yourself if I am with a woman, why am I talking about being bi? Well, there are a few reasons. The first is simple: I want to be recognized for who I am, not who others expect me to be. I don’t want to hide my identity anymore and I want to be true to myself.
Again, I get how this can be confusing for some. Maybe even for my loving wife. But the need to make this statement, to come out of the closet has nothing to do with my desire to be with a man or woman; it’s about my desire to speak the truth. To this end, I have taken steps. I have told my wife, as well as other friends and family, although certainly not all, not even my parents or some of my closest friends.
It’s a hard conversation to have and honestly, it’s one I have thought about most of my adult life. I don’t remember when I first realized I was attracted to men, but at some point, it became undeniable. When you research, you find out you aren’t alone. Bisexuality can be a common thing, only we don’t hear that much about it.
Many women are open about their bisexuality, much more open than men seem to be. Maybe that’s a societal thing. I have read lots of women speaking about their bisexuality and also about how much they love their husbands. That inspired me. It also made me wonder, where are the husbands doing the same thing?
I love my wife, however, that doesn’t mean I am going to stop being attracted to other people. That’s just not the way humans work. I am attracted to other women and men, she is attracted to whoever she is attracted to. There is nothing wrong with that, except in the case of guys, sometimes we are made to feel like there is.
We have all heard the insults. Heck, I have even participated in making them. Playing sports growing up and working as a sports journalist, those kinds of jokes were always prevalent. I can’t speak intelligently about whether those kinds of things continue in locker rooms, cause I’m not in them anymore. My hope is they don’t. You can bet your life that there is someone who is hurting inside every time he hears them. I know, because I have been there. I felt guilty, ashamed and alone, wanting to change who I was but at the same time knowing I couldn’t.
I’d tell myself it was a fad or experimental or just a weird after product of sexual desire. But it was none of those things and until I accepted that myself, how in the hell could I ever tell someone else? If it wasn’t for my wife, I’d still be in the closet, trapped inside my own mind, ashamed of my sexual orientation. She helped me find myself. It wasn’t easy and it led her to question whether I could truly commit to her. That’s a legitimate question, for anyone, gay, bi or straight. Committing to one person isn’t an easy thing to do, but when you find the right person, man or woman, you just know and mine will always be Emily.
That’s my other truth, the one that keeps me going, even through the hard times. That truth is that I am in love with a woman, I just happen to also be attracted to men. It feels like it shouldn’t be a big deal, yet, it took a long time to admit it, and even longer to say it out loud to someone else. Now, thanks to the support of my wife and the inspiration I have received from so many others who have preceded me on this path, here I am, saying as loud as I possibly can through the keys on my keyboard: I am bi!
I also know I am not changing for anyone and if you feel the same way, you shouldn’t either. We should all be able to live our truth, love who we want, want who we want and be who we want. More than anything, that’s why I am doing this. I can’t run from the truth anymore and the fact is, I shouldn’t have to. So I won’t, not anymore, not ever again.