Male

Homoflexible

Canada



Hi, I‘m Brian. I am Homoflexible.

I'm a fifty-something guy (2013) married (for 31 years) and living in Kelowna, British Columbia. Six years ago I retired from a career in journalism to spend more time traveling, reading, gardening (not a passion, just a necessity), and exploring the region I live in. I've been slowly coming out for a few years, and recently turned to social media on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ to reach more people more easily with that message. Better late than never to let people know I am out.

What being bisexual means to me

It means being sexually interested in both men and women. But much as we humans crave the cut and dried, that doesn't seem to exist with our sexuality, or sexual definitions. Is a straight person who has a single enjoyable gay experience therefore bi? I don't think so. Bisexual, to me, is a little different. There is probably a primary gender attraction, whether gay or straight. What makes us (me) bisexual is that we do not find complete sexual satisfaction with one gender. So I see a bisexual as a person gifted with a fluid sexual identity. At the same time, the term bisexual covers a rather broad spectrum, putting people of significantly varied sexual interests in the same boat, for better or worse. That is why I don't shy away from the term gay, either, since I see the desire for same-gender sex as the basic definition of gay, at least for those whose sexuality is more oriented to gay than straight.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

Our sexuality doesn't define our whole person. When someone discovers I am bi, rather than straight, they are likely to alter their perception of me. But my perception of myself, and my own sense of my relationship to that person, hasn't changed. And, we do exist; we are not just 'transitioning' to an exclusive homosexuality. And despite the militancy of some people on this point, it is sometimes alright to refer to bisexuals as gay.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

As long as I can remember I felt I was different from others in some indefinable way. At age 18 I realized it was a sexual difference -- I was interested in gay sex -- and initially thought that meant I was homosexual. About a year later I discovered (this was forty years ago) that there was such a thing as bisexuality, and intuitively understood that described me. In later years, I realized I was more gay than straight, and so I have chosen the term homoflexible above.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Being open about it with other people, though that is partly as I am in a long-term straight relationship that isn't conducive to being really open about alternative sexual identities. It is not easy to maintain a relationship when your sexuality calls out for more than a single relationship can possibly deliver.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

Being different and being able to enjoy that difference.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Very little reaction at all. That doesn't mean they haven't reacted. They just by and large haven't let me know their reaction. Whether that's because they don't consider it an issue or for some other reason, I don't know.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

I was late in coming out so I'm probably not the best to advise others. With that in mind, I recommend coming out early in life once you are comfortable with your sexual identity. Whether others will be comfortable with it is out of your control. And remember that being gay or bisexual is a gift, not a burden, that should be enjoyed openly.