United States

Hi, I‘m Allie. I am Bisexual.

I live in Ohio and I'm 21 years old. I'm an artist: not amazing, but not absolutely terrible at it. I love writing and drawing manga. I'm saving up money to go to beauty school and become a hairstylist. I was born in Phoenix, Arizona, which probably explains why I love the summer heat so much!

What being bisexual means to me

To me, it means to love someone regardless of gender: no exclusions, whatsoever.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

We're human too. We are a part of the LGBTQIA community. We do exist. Being bisexual is not a phase, and we will not choose between one gender or another. I love everyone.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I grew up in a severely conservative family, and I began my path at 13. When I began to learn about sexuality and religion I'd ask, "Why? Why is love only for a man and a woman? Why can't we just love everyone?" My mother would just brush it off and say I was only curious.

I actually came out as bisexual to my mom at 15. She didn't understand and laughed. She told me I was looking for attention and I was lying. She asked, "What would the family think about your lies?" So, seeing the disapproval in her eyes, I just nodded. I agreed to keep it to myself. I deleted the Facebook account that I had come out on and practically "unfriended" everyone who knew. They told me I was trying to get attention as well, so I bottled it all inside me and told myself they were right. But, I knew it wasn't just a phase.

At 16, I was learning that there was so much more than just male and female. I fell in love with a transgender boy at school. I had no idea that he was trans until he told me. I asked him out that day. We actually dated for 5 months, which my family never knew. He told me he loved me and said he wanted to be together forever. He said he was going to come out to his parents, and he wanted to introduce me to them. So, about a week later, he came out to his parents and told them about me. They were livid! They moved away and sent him to an all-female school to "set him straight." I never saw him again or even got to talk to him. I cried everyday for a year. I was then diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

A couple of years ago, I got an email from him, or rather from his email address: it was his mother, actually, telling me that Kelly (Kevin) had committed suicide. I was absolutely heartbroken, still am. I can't help to think it was my fault for loving him, and him falling in love with me. I contemplated committing suicide myself, thinking maybe I'd see him again. I'm still here though. No one but Kevin's parents and I knew about our relationship. I truly believe that we could've gotten married one day. I miss him so much! At that point, I told myself to never love again. I knew then that it was never a phase, and it never will be.

So, fast forward to 19. I was falling for one of my best friends, who is a female pansexual. I'd never tell her, of course. I worked with her at my first job. But, I told myself I couldn't. Not after what had happened. So, I never said a word. Now that I don't see her anymore, I regret it.

At 20, I dated a straight boy. I met him at Haunt, which is a haunted theme park at Kings Island during Halloween. It didn't last long though. He broke it off not even a month later. He didn't want commitment and I was pushing it on him, apparently.

And now I'm here, at 21, and I still haven't come out to any family. I just came out two days ago on tumblr, when same-sex marriage was legalized in the USA, 6/26/15. I cried. Kevin would have been so happy for me. And I know he's watching me, cheering me on. I only have one wish and that is to see Kevin again one day.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Not very many people will accept you, even in the LGBTQIA community. There will always be someone who doesn't think you belong anywhere, and it sucks!

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

Loving literally anyone, because our love doesn't recognize gender. Love doesn't have labels.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Like I said before, not well. I'm contemplating coming out to my best friend soon. I know she supports LGBTQIA, but that won't stop the fear of rejection.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

Trust your heart because, although I haven't come out to many people yet, it doesn't mean you shouldn't. I know its hard, and this is probably not good advice, but if you're underage and you know your parents will respond negativity, it may be a good idea to wait until you've moved out and you're financially stable, to come out, to them, at least. I've seen so many younger people getting kicked out, and living on the streets, because of who they are. This is not just for bisexual individuals. I don't want someone else to resort to something as terrible as suicide. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's pain again.