United States

Hi, I‘m Cara. I am Bisexual.

I live in the Quad Cities area in Iowa. I lived here most of my life. I am married to a woman I been with for 10 years now. We have a dog and a cat. I have worked with people with disabilities for 9 years now. I really like the people I work with.

What being bisexual means to me

Loving someone regardless of their gender. Also, being sexually attracted to both sexes.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

We are people who just happen to like both genders.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

When I was in junior high I noticed I was attracted to both males and females. I ignored my attraction to females and told myself I was straight. I kept trying to ignore that part of my sexuality. I only dated guys. Finally, when I was 21, I admitted that I was also attracted to woman. I claimed I was bi-curious. Shortly after that, I decided I was bisexual and began try to find a woman to experiment with. At about 22, something seemed to click in me, and I stopped being attracted to men altogether, and I figured I wasn't bi, I was gay. I began to seriously search for a girlfriend. A year later I found the love of my life who I'm with to this day. But, in last few months, I have discovered that I am, in fact, bisexual. And now that I think about it, I guess I always have been bisexual. There just wasn't a man that interested me for the last 11 years, until now.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Basically the "want to have your cake and eat it too issue!" It's become very complicated for me because I have identified as a lesbian for about 11 years, and then in the last few months, I realized I'm not gay, I'm bisexual. I have reconnected with the last serious boyfriend I had before I switched to women. We became friends. I'll make it short, I've development an attraction to him and feelings for him. I am in a dilemma now. I'm attracted to two people: my wife and my ex-boyfriend. And, I'm in love with two people at once.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

It's good in the sense that you are not limited to who you love. But, it's complicated if you want to be with two people at once, and the people you are with are not willing to share you.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Not very many people know I'm bisexual. Some people know me as gay. Some people don't know my sexual identity. Most of the people that know me as gay are open-minded and don't judge, but some are judgmental. Only a few of my friends know I'm bi, and they are very open-mind about it. They think it's great that I am who I am. My wife knows, and so does my ex-boyfriend. He thinks it's awesome that I'm bisexual, and not just gay like I thought. He, however, doesn't know how much I'm really into him. My wife is fine with me being bi, and says, "Be who you are." She, however, doesn't like me becoming emotionally attracted to my ex-boyfriend. She is fine with me sexually wanting him, but becoming romantically interested in him is causing a problem.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

Let yourself be you. Don't try to ignore either of your sexual attractions. If you like both sexes, go for it.