Female

Bisexual

Canada



Hi, I‘m Jessica. I am Bisexual.

I am a daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother, niece, and cousin. I am a biologist, math tutor, lab tech, poet, gamer, artist, and total scifi-fantasy nerd. I am a Christian. My favourite ways to relax are reading, crochet, and colouring (I've even found some intricate grown-up colouring books!). My playlist is full of flamenco guitar, techno trance, rap, classic rock, boy bands, country, and goldie oldies. I have lived in seven cities in four different provinces. By the age of 13, I had attended five schools. I skipped a grade in elementary, graduated high school at 16, went to Bible College for a year, and completed my Bachelor of Science at 20. I love the smell (and taste!) of red wine, dark rum, and gin. I can't stand the smell of pot, and have never smoked it. I am a bit of an extrovert, and like being around people, but I'm also a little quiet and reserved. I am spontaneous and flexible, but I have my books shelved alphabetically and my closet sorted by colour and style. I love dancing and singing along to good music. I love a good dark coffee, a good therapeutic massage, and wearing my fuzzy housecoat even if I'm already dressed for the day. But I digress.... Where was I? Oh yes. That's what I forgot to mention. I'm bi.

What being bisexual means to me

Almost nothing.... it has never been a working part of my identity.
Except that when I see a hetero-couple, I am just as likely to think the girl is cute as to think the guy is cute. Actually, more likely.
And when I see a female couple, I sigh inwardly, and think how nice it must be. I have only had relationships with men.... but I've always wanted to have a relationship with a girl.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

Do you know anybody who likes sweet treats AND salty snacks? Someone who sometimes wants popcorn at the movies, but other times wants M&Ms? Well, we're like that - we like boys AND girls. We are not confused! We are not (strictly speaking) straight. We are not (strictly speaking) gay. We are both.
Also....
Does every straight man want to touch little girls? OMG NO. Does every straight woman want to touch little boys? OMG NO. Well....neither do we. Bisexuals aren't just a bunch of nymphomaniacal perverts who want to touch little children. So please stop implying that we are. It's insulting.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

Cryptic. Veiled. Internal. Cautious.
Something that was so undeniable and yet at the same time so hard to put my finger on.
I didn't want to be attracted to girls. I tried not to be. I tried to play it off. I chose to live like a straight girl. But it was there nonetheless.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

That I really can't live it out. That I have had to deny myself something I am so interested in. That I will probably have to keep it between myself and a select few for my entire life. Feeling like I am lying when I let people just keep believing I'm straight.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

I don't know.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Without even knowing it, usually. Because they make comments about bisexuals without having a clue that I am one. It makes me cringe, and strengthens my resolve to never come out. Which is very difficult for me, because I very much value honesty.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

You don't have to prove anything to anyone. If you like both boys and girls, and you feel like you are bi, then you are bi. It doesn't mean you have to have sex with lots of people. It doesn't mean you have to have sex with anyone at all. If anyone insists you pick one or the other, or says you have to have certain kinds of relationships that you are not comfortable with or ready for, then don't listen to them. Let it be their problem.
Be careful. Think ahead of time what kinds of reactions would make you feel good or would upset you. I have only plainly told three people that I am bi. Everyone else, with just the ever so tiniest hint, showed reactions I really did not like. Boyfriends would start teasing that we should have a threesome or film some amateur girl-on-girl. Others would proclaim that homos were disgusting, or sinful, or very sadly say that they must have suffered some kind of abuse.