United States

Hi, I‘m Alex. I am Bisexual.

I live in western Washington state with my wife and son. I work in and have mad passion for the digital forensics field. I'm very independent and am always analyzing the things around me to figure out what makes sense and what doesn't. I believe in living a good, honest life and in being kind and compassionate to every single person on this planet. I'm very passionate about gardening, the outdoors, and everything to do with my own food production and preservation. I have bipolar, which has been an interesting influence in my life, but is not one that defines me -- just as bi/pan-sexuality doesn't define me; these things simply are. I am them and they are me. Video and tabletop games are very important aspects of my life. I've met some of the most influential people in my life through our shared interest in these media. I'm a voracious reader. I am constantly building my relationship with myself and those around me. I believe that we are each our own gods and that we are manifestations of the universe itself. As Carl Sagan said, “We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.” Our human bodies are composed entirely of elements forged in the stars and these elements are constantly dying, replicating, reproducing, and being exchanged for new ones inside us. We are constantly in flux from the moment we are conceived to the moment we die. The exact set of atoms that comprise me change hour to hour, minute to minute. We live fast, we blaze bright, and we are beautiful creatures in the still more beautiful tapestry of the Universe. Why on Earth would I want to be limited to one category of people to be attracted to?

What being bisexual means to me

Being bisexual to me means being honest with myself about who I am and who/what I like. It means freedom to choose my own path and live my own life. Being bi has let me have some genuinely interesting relationships and interactions that I would not change for the world.

I know there's debate about "bisexual" vs "pansexual" vs everything else -sexual. From the details-oriented perspective I would identify as pansexual. However, I also agree with the definition of bisexual wherein "my own gender" and "all others" serve as the spectrum. For simplicity's sake, I prefer simply to identify as "bi" to those that I've opened up to and leave it at that.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

We're just normal people. We have jobs, we pay taxes, we own homes, we have children. We drive cars and we take the bus. We eat meat and we're vegetarian. We're your sisters, your sons, your grandmothers, and your uncles. Most of us try to act with good moral conduct. We're all around you in the world, and really, truly, there is nothing to fear from us. I'm chill, let's all be chill. :)

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I was home-schooled as a kid and didn't get much exposure to social interaction with my peer group. This resulted in me not really dating in my teenage years. I'd been thoroughly engrossed in the world of adult videos and stories from the time it first occurred to me that I could see people naked on the Internet. The funny thing about being alone on a computer in your formative teenage years is that no one is judging you but yourself. I was always raised to think for myself, so I was open to truly experiencing everything the Internet had to offer. Men, women, trans folks, didn't matter. If the person was attractive, I reacted, and that was enough proof for me. 15 years into the journey and I'm still the same way. I'm not attracted to everyone, but I have the potential to be attracted to everyone, if that makes sense.

My dad asked me if I was gay when I was 16. It was asked in a direct, almost accusatory way. Here's a man I looked up to asking me if I'm a thing that he obviously has distaste for. At the very least he's "concerned". At that point I'd spent the last four years surfing the web and enjoying all sorts of nude bodies. This incident really confused me a lot. It, and a few others related to it, really made me question my own preferences. It made me question who I was. I didn't learn until years later how devastating it can be to suppress desires and emotions instead of exercising them in a healthy way.

Americans will often wax poetic about their Constitutional rights and how if you don't exercise your rights then they'll disappear. I'm now seeing this in the same light. Unless I speak up for my rights and for other people, those rights will either atrophy if they already exist, or they will fail to develop into anything remotely resembling what the bi community needs.

My wife has known almost since the beginning of our relationship. I've dropped hints to other people for the last few years about being bi, but it wasn't until this year that I've started owning it. I am what I am. No one and nothing will change that now. I am me, and this is an aspect of me.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

I don't know if there's a single "toughest" thing about being bi. To be quite honest, I surround myself with positive, open-minded people, which has let me be me in relative comfort the last few years. Growing up, I think the hardest part was living in an environment (I grew up living on US Air Force and Army bases) where anything but heterosexual attraction and relationships were looked down on.

I've read and heard so many other experiences about people in the gay and lesbian communities hassling bi people about not really being bi, and about people accusing them of "having their cake and eating it, too". These are such terrible experiences. I've been spared them (so far, haha), but my heart really goes out to those of you in the bi community who do experience this sort of invalidation. Quite frankly, that sucks. Everyone deserves love.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

I thrive on having as many options in life as I can. I don't enjoy being limited to just one type of oregano. I'll buy three. Why have just one type of salt when I can pick the one that tastes the best out of all the different varieties in my cupboard? Wouldn't it stink to just have one type of flower on Earth? Sure, you have different colors, but after a while only daisies would get boring to me.

I like not being limited to one type of person. I like being able to discover who I click with and who I'm attracted to. It adds spice to my life.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Those who I have told have reacted very positively. My wife's always known about this side of me and her reaction has always been great. It's just part of who I am. The few relatives I've opened up to have been supportive. The few friends I've blatantly told (if they hadn't already pieced the puzzle together via my stories and other subjects of discussion...) have been cool about it.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

To be honest I haven't really declared that I'm bi to the world. The way I see it is I am 100% comfortable with myself right now. The people in my inner circle know explicitly. I don't hide my attraction to all genders in the least, and if someone asks I'm honest and open with them about it.

Interestingly, my perspective has changed on this in the last few weeks. Bisexuality awareness day brought with it a whole slew of articles on the correlations between being bisexual and being affected by mental health issues. Mental health advocacy is a BIG deal to me. I've opened up about a lot of my mental health issues this year to get discussion going, and I've decided to open up in a more overt way about identifying as bisexual. This profile is one of the ways I want to open up.

My big piece of advice is to be yourself. Happiness in life means being happy in your own skin and being happy with yourself. You can't do that if you're living up to someone else's standards or trying to be someone you're not. Be strong. You've got this.