Male

Pansexual

United States



Hi, I‘m Magnus. I am Pansexual.

I am autistic, married to my life partner of the opposite sex, parent to three children (one is also autistic). I'm an engineering manager in the healthcare industry, working remotely from my home office in Raleigh, North Carolina.

What being bisexual means to me

Being raised in an arguably Christian family, I spent much of my life confused about feelings I had. I wish I'd been able to feel comfortable with this long, long ago. I see beauty in people no matter how they were born, and that beauty can turn into attraction. Man or woman, trans or cis, NB or otherwise gender-bendy... it doesn't really matter to me. I'm attracted to your heart.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

I'm not confused. I'm not part-time gay. This isn't a phase.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I grew up with Christian brainstorming drilled into me that forced me to hate that part of myself, to deny it. Becoming an artist, working with many other self-identified bis, opened my mind. There were people who felt like me, and they were ok with it.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Coming out to my wife was hard. She'd always thought of me as this sort of man's man, and initially she did think that this was a threat to our relationship. Since then, this increased honesty between us has only led to a stronger marriage.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

I like how it allows me to be open minded about almost anyone I meet. I want to see the beauty in them.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

My kids were like "of course you are." It just made sense to them. It was easy for my friends, because my friends weren't assholes. Honestly it was hard at first on my spouse. I think it took her some time to come to terms with bisexuality as a discrete orientation, different from being gay or straight. It took her some time to understand this doesn't in any way diminish my attraction to her. I still haven't had "the talk" with my parents, who are ardent Trump supporters and unlikely to be accepting. But I'm sort of out there on the Internet so it's not exactly a secret, either.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

It was more of a non-event for me than I thought it would be. And I'm much more at peace with myself, not having to protect that part of myself. This is a good time in human history to be able to come out. I couldn't have done this in the 1980's when I first started realizing these feelings.