United States

Hi, I‘m Amie. I am Bisexual.

My name is Amie and I'm a cisgender women from Chicago but currently live in Maryland - an hour or so away from DC. I'm married to a very supportive, cisgender husband and we live with 20 companion animals. I own my own business and am a self-employed piano teacher, although my MA is in Developmental Psychology. For money (and it is a passion of mine), I teach piano, but for my soul, I work with and rescue animals and try to make the world a more compassionate place for all animals.

What being bisexual means to me

To me, being bi means being attracted to both men and women. It means liking, and loving, being with a man and a woman, and loving the different parts, types, and characteristics of both. As I've learned more and talked more about other genders, I would say my attraction would include other genders. Above all though, being bi allows me to identify as myself. It feels right.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

I would like the world to know that we exist. That bisexuality is real. It isn't a passing phase or stage we go through. Even though we can be in happy, monogamous relationships, the attraction to the other sexes is still there. I want people to know that we are just like everyone else in terms of most everything, and aren't creepy, weird or confused. Mainly though, just that we exist. And are real.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

Looking back at how it all evolved at my age now is a lot clearer than when it happened. It started with the song "I Kissed A Girl" by Jill Sobule. For some reason, that song touched me and I played it all the time - this was in high school. I couldn't quite articulate it, but I just loved that song and felt this deep connection with it. I wanted to kiss a girl, but I couldn't explain anything beyond that. So I told one of my good friends at the time that I wanted to kiss a girl. A little bit later, she brought that up again and said that she would kiss me, IF certain criteria were met: 1. it could only be once; 2. it had to be at night; 3. I could never tell anyone, ever. This was quite serendipitous because she was the girl I most wanted to kiss (I didn't really have any other certain girl I wanted to kiss). So...when that kiss happened, more came with it, and that was the beginning of a 4 year relationship with this girl. At that time, I still didn't think anything about being bi - I pleaded with a guy friend of mine in college that I just loved this particular girl. Her fear about being out was so strong that I had to use a pseudonym when talking about her, and she would never let us hold hands in public, etc. No one, except this one friend in college knew anything about us. I fell deeply for her. But I still thought it was just her. Until I was sitting in my college dorm lobby one day and a girl came up from the cafeteria to make a phone call with the lobby phones. When I saw her, my stomach did that thing. And it's like a lightbulb went on. From then on, as I was working through understanding these feelings, my acceptance and acknowledgement of my bisexuality manifested. My attraction to women kept growing. My feelings and attraction toward both men and women was, and is, so natural and so strong that once I was able to put a word on it, I openly embraced it.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

The toughest thing is the comments from ignorant and/or rude people. It's not being accepted completely by the straight or LGBTQ communities. It's being asked by men if they can watch you make-out with a girl; or being told by lesbian friends that bisexuality isn't real and that I'm hiding behind straight-ness; or asked by several people if you'll ever be happy with one or the other. Or being told by the man you're dating that "you're with me now, all that bi stuff is behind you..." It's being invisible or judged because you happened to find a man you fell in love with and married first, before a woman, and therefore apparently aren't bi enough. It's being afraid to come out to your conservative Christian neighbors because of their views. It's witnessing the struggle society has with LGBTQ equality and the oppressive laws and the constant fighting for our rights.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

I love being bi. As weird as it may be for straight people to understand how one can be attracted to more than one sex, I do not understand how one can be attracted to only one sex. I love yearning for and loving the parts of a woman's body and the parts of a man's body and the difference between them. I love the different, perhaps generalized, traits of different genders. I just love the feeling of being bi.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Most people in my life have been and continue to be very supportive. Thankfully, to most of my friends, it has always been a non-issue. One close friend (a strong Christian) said when we were in our early twenties, that she didn't like it, but that she accepted me. I have never kept it a secret (minus this new neighborhood we live in now with the conservative neighbors) and have always been out and open and nonchalant about it. One day back in college, I was back at my parents' house for the weekend and my girlfriend was sick and laid her head on my stomach in my bedroom. My Mom walked in and saw me gently playing with her hair, trying to help her feel better, and immediately got angry and made me go downstairs. There, she yelled something like "...if you're a [email protected]#$ing dyke, just tell me...", then went on to say that she didn't want my girlfriend sleeping on my bed anymore. My Mom also called me in college and beat around the bush with asking me about my attraction to women, instead stating something like "...I just don't know...if you know where your heart is...with men or women...". I thought all of this annoying and never made a big deal out of it. Eventually though (a few years later), she became and is a big supporter of LGBTQ rights. All in all, I have been very lucky.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

My advice would be to trust yourself. Come out as you can, safely. Find a support group. I realized I was bi over 20 years ago, and still only know 2 other people who are bi - and that just happened in the past year or so. Don't wait as long as I have to find a supportive, welcoming group who understands. Even if straight family and friends are supportive, which is great, it's really nice to know other people who understand - if only the yearning, the potential struggle, etc.