Hi, I‘m Jacob. I am Bisexual.

I live in a mid-sized conservative city in Ontario. I’m the oldest of three, and my younger sister came out as a lesbian twenty years ago. While I defend her tooth and nail, I am not out to my family, friends, or society at large except for a handful of people. I love distance running, and have trained in the martial arts for the past 30 years. My “quiet” time is spent reading the news and listening to music... life is always better with a soundtrack! I’ve only been in relationships with women (almost 20 years with my wife now) and have not really felt or recognized myself as part of the LGBTQ community until recently, and look forward to exploring and understanding this new world in the years to come.

What being bisexual means to me

It means the potential to have someone catch my eye or give me “warm fuzzies” is always present, if I open myself to all the people in my environment. The world is full of beauty, and I get to appreciate more of it than some.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

Bisexuality doesn’t disappear just because you’re in a committed, long-term relationship. My life may appear “straight” from the outside, but the way my sexuality interacts with the world around me is complex and deeply ingrained in the core of who I am.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I remember strong crushes on girls when I hit puberty at 10, as well as an attraction to males around me. This became confusing in my teens, as I wanted relationships with women but still felt strongly attracted to men. Pre-internet, it was very hard to find positive LGBT resources at the best of times, and bi information was almost impossible to find.

I had same sex experiences as a youth and young adult that were non-consensual, and the issues around that really added to the confusion and turmoil of honest self-discovery. But in working through that, I have a much stronger understanding of myself and how my sexuality is aligned.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Developing silly crushes on everyone! I know the people that surround me at work, karate, and the mall are unavailable, but it’s hard not letting the hearts cloud my eyes like some doting anime character.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

Developing crushes on everyone! It’s still fun (despite my frustration above) and reminds me that I’m surrounded by beautiful people (both physically and spiritually) that uplifts my soul.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Most don’t know... or at least I didn’t tell them! The few that I’ve told don’t speak of it at all, which is almost harder than if I hadn’t said anything.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

There are no hard and fast rules on who and how you love. Don’t feel that you need to pin yourself into a pigeon hole with what you want or who you want it from.

Your taste and desires may change over time, and you don’t need to apologize or agonize over any fluctuations. Your sexuality is unique and beautiful... embrace it and live your truth.