United Kingdom

Hi, I‘m Rychard. I am Bisexual.

I live in Essex. I am a Civil Servant (have been from 1994 to 1995; returning in 2009 to the present day). Between 1995 and 2009, I taught English and Drama to eleven to eighteen year old pupils in three different schools (Ipswich, Gillingham, Chessington). I left school in 1986 with twelve O levels and two A levels. in 1988 I achieved a third A level. I worked in an Internation Division for Lloyds Bank between 1986 and 1990. I missed English, so went to Loughborough University, where I studied English Literature. I graduated with a 2.1 Honours B.A. In I returned to undertake a Post-graduate Certificate of Education. In the thirteen years teaching, I was seven years as a Deputy Head of English. My hobbies are: history, English (language and literature) I write poerty. I simply LOVE cooking (especially Chinese food) and am not daunted by any cuisine skill. I am an excellent photographer. I love, ssimply love and adore theatre.

What being bisexual means to me

Having gone through therapy (not for sexual orientation, but for depression and anxiety), I had an epiphany that I was bisexual. This was in June 2017. I have not really explored this as have had to move house. But for me Bisexuality (I prefer "sexually fluid") means REALITY; resolving the past and seeing it more clearly. It is an exciting NEW adventure, but full of fear (hate crime from straight and gay people). Though I tried to tell myself I cannot be bisexual - as why did I not know before - I had a massive panic attack (the worst ever) . The next day, on the train, I say a guy, and something inside me just moved me (difficult to describe) but I know I was attracted. Waking each morning, I never know how female I will be (I have a female brain - I have known this for decades - well before knowing I am Bisexual), or how gay I will be. butm, in mascarra and painted nails I feel in POWER and control, but when attracted to someone totally become fearful.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

That we are not invisible. That I am NOT confused (hell, I would LOVE to be gay, or even straight). I want them to know I do not want EVERYONE. I just was a pan-romantic relationship - I do not see gender - just personality, characyter, etc. Basically, I want them to know bisexuals are NO different than anyone else. I do not think that you can just pigeon-hole people.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

As I stated, above, through C.B.T. therapy, but before this I knew I was attracted to a university close friend. At the same time I was very close to a female fellow student. Another girl fancoied me and we went out for awhile. I had my first girlfriend at University (a gorgeousJamaican) and had my first sexual experience with her. At school, I was bullied for being less than a sterotyped boy (no football for me - in fact I tried it one and on my birthday cake to try to fit in). Since seeing a documentary, decades ago, I knew I had a female brain. If I wrote down all I liked and did, someone would read that and think: that's a girl or gay man. At school, also I was close to a very camp boy, ( we called each other by surnames like the gay duo in "Diamonds Are Forever".) but still played kiss chase with the girls. I was called a gigolo as I was in school plays and all the girls focked around me. I flirt dreadfully with girls, but I equally found myself . AS I grew up, I found I was flirting with men. At work, when I came out, several peoiple said "we knew" or "we had an inkling", or "I'm not surprised".

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Knowing that, as my parents are in their eighties and my mother has blamed herself that only my sister and none of us arte married that it is her fault. So I cannot tell them. Also, though I feel empowered when I am how I want to be, I have to take this all off for work, except a touch of make-up. Despite me having a rainbow mug, a gay braclet at work. No one bloody well notices, says anything. Do I have to go camp to get a reaction? I cannot be bisexual openly outside. I cannot go up to a girl or guy and ask for their 'phone number. I am fearful of hate crime - even from gay community.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

ME. I am R E A L.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Ignored. Other acceoted. Others knew BEFORE I did. my Line manager was great and Soooo supportive. That gives me encouragement.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

Find a person who you can confide in. Find a guide such as a counsellor, gay / bi support group and consult.