Male

Bisexual

United States



Hi, I‘m Derrick. I am Bisexual.

About me, hmm. For some reason this was the hardest section to complete. What about me doesn’t change? At this present moment, I love walking in nature and appreciating the mind boggling complexity of the world around me. I also make money writing. But honestly, I’m just a collection of vibrating atoms, living in a world of other vibrating atoms. So where do I end, and you begin?

What being bisexual means to me

Being bisexual means having a choice. It means going beyond the rigid four walls of sexual identity that our society operates within. In today’s world, choices about sexuality are binary. You’re either straight or you’re gay, but not both.

I think as a society we prefer our sexuality just as we prefer our food. Nicely packaged, cleanly defined, with no sharp edges. All the calories are counted, all the ingredients are listed. But this is just one definition, and one perspective, in a world of unlimited possibilities.

So to me, being bisexual ultimately means defining my sexuality on a spectrum, not as a fixed variable. I know that my definition of sexuality will grow, shift, and evolve in the future as I experience this world further. So why would I want to lock myself down with such rigid definitions when I’m just getting started? I prefer to keep it fluid and flexible.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

I’d like the world to know that being bisexual is a conscious and valid choice. Just because you can’t fit bisexuality into an organized box with a label doesn’t make it any less valid. Sexuality is a fluid, dynamic experience that deserves to be appreciated as a whole.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I had my first sexual experience with a male at the age of 12 and largely dismissed it. Since that time I have had relationships with only women. I’m almost 30 now, and realized recently that my self definitions needed some updating. One day my heart just started to wake up and I knew that hey, my sexuality has changed. Since then I have been slowly learning to accept this truth, and making this profile is a huge step forward for my self confidence.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

At the present, realizing that I am sexually attracted to both men and women throws my mind for a bit of a loop. I have been in relationships with only women my entire life, so the process of accepting that I also find men attractive has been a hell of a process of acceptance.

Outside of that, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure in my mind to choose a rigidly defined version of sexuality. It’s so much easier to say that you’re straight, or that you’re gay. People understand those definitions immediately. But to identify with a label like bisexual that has flexibility and fluidity built into it, that’s a real challenge to both explain to others and accept yourself.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

I’d like to think that being bisexual has helped to expand my awareness of this wild and crazy human experience. It’s far too easy to approach life as a series of boxes that you place experiences in. But then you hit something like bisexuality that doesn't have a box, you start to realize how much larger this experience actually is. You start to see sexuality, and so many other components of life, existing on a kind of spectrum with no real set definitions. It's all so amazingly complex.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Positively, although I have only told my girlfriend. I don’t think other people would be all that surprised though.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

Understand that the sexuality you define for yourself today is likely going to change and shift. You still have an entire life ahead of you, and if this is your first step towards accepting your bisexuality, then you still have such a long journey to go.

There’s the compulsion to rigidly define your sexuality now, and assume that’s it, you're finally done. But really, your sexuality will unfold just as the rest of your life will, as a series of ups and downs with some unexpected twists and turns. Seek self definition as a form of initial acceptance, but be open to change and revisions at any moment in your life.