United States

Hi, I‘m Kathryn. I am Bisexual.

I'm a front desk librarian working in Colorado. I write novels (mostly sci-fi and high fantasy), and sing (mostly jazz versions of popular songs). I live with my partner and we spend a lot of time playing card, video, and board games. I grew up in a fairly conservative community in Utah, and spent several years traveling through Germany, Israel, Ireland and Australia working and writing. I've come back to the Rocky Mountains, mostly because they are beautiful, but in part because I do like hiking.

What being bisexual means to me

Having grown up in a conservative community that really didn't acknowledge female desire of any sort (let alone lesbian desire), part of accepting my bisexuality was simply acknowledging my own desires. It means not limiting my kinks and preferences just because I am in a heterosexual relationship. It means accepting that some aspects of queer relationships are healthier for me and my partner than traditional gender roles.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

A lot of people see someone coming out as bisexual later in life - and they feel that that person should have known all along. As someone who didn't recognize my feelings of desire toward women until my mid twenties, I can attest that this delay in identification doesn't stem from disingenuousness. I was raised in a religious community that simply did not offer the possibility that a woman could be attracted to another woman. Since I was attracted to men, I knew I wasn't a lesbian and accepted my identity without too much thought. It would be several years before I would even consider that the feelings I had toward beautiful women were attraction.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I am primarily romantically focused in my attractions, so it was easy to mis-label my romantic feelings toward women as close friendship. Since I was attracted to men romantically, it was easy to assume that I was straight. It took having a friendship fall apart for me to consider that my feelings might be more than just friendship - so recognizing that there are more ways to be attracted to someone than the traditional media offers (And also, in my experience fantasies are often shaped by my expectations of what I should be feeling). Once I entertained the thought that I could be romantically interested in women, it was clear as day and I felt dumb that I hadn't even thought of it before. A lot of my relationships suddenly made a lot more sense, and some sexual needs that I hadn't been fulfilling could finally come to the light.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

I've been very selective about who I told about my bisexuality. Since I didn't start really exploring until I was an adult, I've had almost exclusively hetero-normal relationships. The one who is most supportive is my current partner. We had already been toying with the idea of opening our relationship, and he has been very welcoming of the idea of me exploring both sides of my sexuality. The few people who do know have been supportive, if occasionally baffled.