United States

Hi, I‘m Christopher. I am Bisexual.

I'm a very passionate, highly sensitive introvert that is very caring and loyal. I live in the drift-less region of Southern Wisconsin and I am very fortunate to live in such a beautiful part of the country. In the last 26 years, I have been in two relationships, with 6 months of being single in between. I was married to a woman that I went to grade school with and we have 1 daughter together. My second relationship ended on 7/1/16 when my partner of 19 years passed away from cancer. I went majored in Culinary Arts/Hotel Restaurant Management in Collage. I stopped working as a chef after a failed marriage. I still love to cook. After that I was a store manager for Whole Foods Market for several years. I am very passionate about natural/organic foods. I currently work as a property underwriter for a large insurance company in Madison, WI. I am very fortunate to work for suck a great company that supports diversity in the work place. Music is a huge part of my life. I love listening to jazz on Sunday mornings while having a cup of coffee and spending time with my two cats. I am an avid motorcyclist. I love spending time on my bike, as it brings me so much peace. I love to cook, garden, camp and be outdoors. I am a big supporter of the farm-to-table movement in my area. I love trying local beers, wines, cheeses and small privately owned restaurants. I really enjoy farmers markets.

What being bisexual means to me

It's this strange and wonderful "ability" or "gift" to be attracted to a person for who they are, and not what sex they are. I look are individuals as people, not as men or women. Both are equally attractive to me...well, maybe guys a little more than girls, unless she is a red head....and all bets are off and I'm a hot mess.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

Just because you are bisexual doesn't mean you are greedy or you can't be in a committed, monogamous relationship. I may be bisexual, but I can be happy being with just one person. I don't need to have partners of both sexes at the same time to be happy or content. I may be bisexual, but that does not mean that I am actively looking to have a threesome.

If you think that just because I am bisexual, I have the "best of both worlds" are sadly mistaken. The "best of both worlds" come with a lot of misunderstanding, negative comments, people being closed minded prejudice.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

My path to a bisexual identity was one filled with anxiety, depression, two suicide attempts, and substance abuse problems. Both of the women from my last two relationships were extremely unsupportive about by bisexuality. I tried to reach out to my ex-wife for help and support, and she just yelled at me and told me she didn't want to know anything about it. My last partner was the same way, and our relationship became very mentally abusive towards me in the end. After she passed away, I was out of work for a few months, spent countless hours in therapy and did a few days at an in-patient psych....again. My second trip to rehab was to start on 12/26/2017-Marry Christmas! I never went. I have known and understood that I was bisexual for years, but it took the death of my partner for me to be able to express who I really am and have always been. The mental breakdown was the loss of my partner and finally letting all of the feeling and hurt I repressed for years coming out. It was ugly.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Growing up was really horrible for me. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn't understand why a was so attracted to boys but founds girls attractive as well. None of it made any sense. I truly had a battle raging in my head. I was an only child and I had no one to talk to. I had no gay or BI role models growing up. I was very active in sports and was always very well liked in school, but I always felt like I never fit in. Not fitting in and the depression was the worst part of growing up BI.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

I think it's my ability to see to be involved with someone on a different emotional level. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I can connect with people on a very different level than most. I see people for who they really are, and don't get hung up on superficial things. I've also been through a lot of emotional pain being bisexual, and I've careful to treat people with respect and dignity as I don't want to hurt others like I have been hurt

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Some of my "friends" and relatives have stopped talking to me. Other people in my life have been unbelievably supportive and understanding.

The thing that hurts the most is how some of my closest friends react. If I say that I met a really cute woman on line-through a dating site-they are really interested and want to know everything about her. If I tell the same people that I met a really cute guy at a bar over the weekend, I get "I don't want to know any details." They have NO idea how much this hurts me. It really sucks that I can't be open about meeting or dating a guy. I wish they could just be happy for me and see that I'm moving on with my life and I am actually a much happier person.

The bottom line is that I just don't have any room in my life for crap like this. I have no problem finding new friends.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

It's ok to be confused and curious. It's totally normal to not know or understand everything at first. Feelings and emotions can be a very powerful thing. You are under no obligation to prove or explain to anyone that you at BI. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not BI because you haven't slept with a person of the same sex as you. It's total crap.

I think that one of the most important things is that you need to be honest with yourself about who you are. Please don't go through life trying to convince yourself that you're not BI, or that it's just a phase and it was magically pass. If you're not ready to come out as BI, then don't do it. Try to find some type of support group that you can explain your feelings to.