Male

Bisexual

United States



Hi, I‘m Nick. I am Bisexual.

I was born and raised on the space coast of Florida, growing up standing at the end of the driveway of my childhood home watching space shuttles launch. I began working in hospitality while attending college and after five part-time semesters, decided that I no longer wished to pursue the career path I initially intended, and stagnated professionally at my job for several years before cultivating my real estate career. It's still a work in progress, but I've been loving the job! My wife and I have been married for over two years and together for six. We have two children whom we love more than we could have ever imagined, despite the associated frustrations! When the subject of children arises in conversation, I always tell people that I enjoy being a parent about 80 to 85% of the time. There are days when I want to lock myself in the bedroom and hide under the covers, crying silently as I rip my hair out! But truthfully, there is nothing better than walking through the front door to your kids running happily toward you with wide open arms. It more than makes up for the occasional bad day. Neither I, nor my wife, are huge gamers, but we both absolutely LOVE playing Rockband together, me on guitar and her on the mic, with our two toddler groupies dancing around and clapping each time a song ends. I am both proud and embarrassed by the fact that I can kick some serious ass at that game.

What being bisexual means to me

It means that you could have two options and are open to either one. An example I like to use is that there are both self-described "dog people" and "cat people" yet plenty of others that have both dogs and cats as pets. It's okay to not like cats, it's okay to not like dogs, and it's okay like both (or neither, I suppose). It's also entirely possible for a person to like both cats and dogs but only have, say, a cat and yet not feel incomplete because they don't ALSO have a dog. For the record, I like both cats and dogs as pets, so I guess you could say I'm also "bipetual"!

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

Bisexuality simply means that you would not avoid dating someone strictly because of their gender. It does not automatically make you polyamorous, nor does it mean that you would be willing to just bang anything that vaguely resembles a human and has a pulse.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

When I was a kid and on into adulthood, all but very few of my closest friends were female. I developed a more "feminine mentality" I guess you could say, and had greater interest in stereotypical girly stuff and not so much the boy stuff (except for Hot Wheels. Those were the s**t.) I remember always having a curiosity toward women and men both, but being raised in a pretty conservative baptist home, I only expressed interest in girls and suppressed any feelings I had toward boys.

As a teen, I obviously had seen porn before but it wasn't until I was 19 or so that I thought to myself, I might enjoy gay porn too and lo and behold, I did. Even though I had heard the term "bisexual" for as long as I can remember, I never viewed myself that way for several more years. It may seem melodramatic, but I had an existential crisis. Am I straight or gay and where am I going to fit with my family and friends now, how can I reconcile this with my (at the time) faith and what direction will my life take once I sort this out?

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Being open. There's a prudish part of me that feels like mentioning it in of itself is too personal, inappropriate even. There is also the challenge of being told that I don't know what I'm talking about or that I don't really understand my feelings. I spent years trying to convince myself to stop telling myself that, I really don't need anyone else to.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

I think it makes me more open to having meaningful relationships with more people, even platonic ones. It helps me embrace other people's differences, whether those differences pertain to sexuality or not, enabling me to seek out and find common ground with other individuals when I may have otherwise pushed them aside.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

During my personal breakdown, I talked about this extensively to a very close friend and he really helped me make sense of myself. When I came out to my wife while we were still just dating, her response was basically, "Don't care, I still love you." I've since talked to my closest friends about it and everyone has been very supportive and nonchalant about the whole thing. One night, a group of us were hanging out and the conversation topic pertained to "shaving vs. not" and my wife asked if I had a preference when it came to males? One of my friends who had been in on talks in the past about my sexuality, but evidently forgot, was like, "Wait, are you bi?" to which everyone else looked at her with furled brows and replied in unison, "Where have you been?!"

I recently came out to my older brother and he was surprisingly accepting. My parents don't know. My colleagues at work don't know, but that has less to do with feeling like I would not be accepted than for the simple fact that it isn't really necessary for them to know.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

If you think you may be bi, then you should explore this part of yourself. Coming out in the future is a totally different can of worms that you can worry about later. For now, no one has to know, so go into this journey concerned only with where you will find yourself.

Come out when you feel ready, to whom you feel ready. Once you become comfortable with yourself, it will be easier. I can't say you won't have any negative experiences ahead, but for the most part, people are going to be far more accepting than you probably think they will be.