Hello! I am a jazz musician and music teacher/band director in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and a grateful husband to wonderful wife and father to a terrific son. I am very fortunate to do what I love and find the job I was truly looking for and amazingly lucky to land! I am a jazz studies graduate of University of North Texas and received a masters in music education from Texas Woman's University, where I was a graduate teaching assistant and helped develop the jazz program.
What being bisexual means to me
Being bisexual, and being able to say that I am, means the world to me. It means I am being truthful and honest about every part of who I am, because I have always been that way about every aspect of my life-except for my sexuality, which I am so happy to be making that change and feeling more complete, honest, and open. Being bisexual means sharing and caring, and being uniquely me. Being bisexual means being a positive role model and showing other bisexuals and LGBTQ individuals that they are not alone. Being bisexual means being courageous and standing up for what is right.
What I would like the world to know about bisexuals
The path to understanding my bisexual identity was full of confusion and many moments of self-doubt and fear of rejection from loved ones and society. I would like the world to know that keeping these feelings bottled up was unhealthy and perhaps unnecessary. I hope the world can see the big hearts of bisexuals and try to understand the journey we go through just to be happy and healthy as who we truly are.
What was your path to a bisexual identity?
The first time I came out to someone was to my future wife, who listened and understood (and still does to this day!). I was fortunate that she loved me for who I truly was and helped me during my confusion. I had told her I was attracted to both men and women but didn't understand it--so I didn't use the word bisexual. It wasn't until I turned 28 that I had the epiphany that I could be attracted to both men and women (and other genders) and that that's who I truly was. Before this epiphany, I grew up thinking you had to be either gay or straight, but that just never fit me. This realization was so powerful and I was able to finally put my finger on why I had put myself through so much turmoil.
What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?
Ever since my truthful moment at 28, where I came out to myself for the first time, I have had many moments of identity confusion--where my sexuality was more fluid and felt more attraction to one gender than the other. I knew I wasn't straight, but I had thought that maybe I was gay during a two-year period of my life, despite still feeling attracted to women. Once again, my wife listened and understood my turmoil, and I have always been monogamous, so our relationship grew stronger through this honesty. Then it would flip from time to time (more attraction to women than men). Now at 34, I have the confidence that one thing has remained constant my whole life: I have always been attracted to men and women, not necessarily the same way or same degree, but the attraction has always been there--and that is the toughest part of being bisexual--that sometimes the attractions change, at least for me.
What is the best thing about being bisexual?
The best part of being bisexual--is that I couldn't see myself any other way! I have become more aware of the issues in the LGBTQ community and connect myself more. I see myself becoming more involved and I think I want to be more out and open because I could make a difference.
How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?
Not long after my epiphany, I first talked with my wife many times, and then I finally came out to my sister and mother. I wasn't "brave enough" at the time to tell my father, who definitely would have been just as caring, but I let my mom do that for me. They have just always been worried about me as far as my well-being, safety, and my family. I then told some of my cousins that I grew up with, and they were very positive. I finally found some courage to tell a few friends that I knew were supportive of the LGBTQ community, as well as some gay friends. I have continued to gain more confidence in coming out to others at my own pace (sometimes very slow), and I attribute the positivity and support to my planning and thoughtfulness in how I approach telling people--especially the ones I care about the most.
What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?
For those who think they may be bi, it is okay to not know. After thinking I was, I then thought I was gay, and then realized that couldn't be the case, in that my attractions to women never went away. The main thing is--it is okay to not know. For me, the biggest help was having some people to talk to (mainly my wife), and I studied LGBTQ literature and just read a lot. I still do, and really helps me put my thoughts in order and feel better when I feel a little down or confused. Coming out is an exciting process, but one I still dread--but still want to do. I encourage you to take it slowly. I still very much am in the closet to some people I truly care about, and would like very much for that to change. I hope to maybe share this profile with them so they could possibly have better understanding. I think there's 2 important reasons to come out as bisexual: 1, it's a part of you that you want your loved ones to see--for me, it's become a feeling of holding my breath in forever and I just have to let it out and let them know, because I really care that much; and 2, it's an opportunity to be a voice and help those in need.