United States

Hi, I‘m Codi. I am Bisexual.

I am originally from Houston, TX and grew up in a family of four. I moved to Denver in 2013 largely in part to escape the intolerance for all LGBTQ+ in the Bible belt from strangers and my family. I am so happy to call Denver my new home. I love living here and have made some great friends here. I also enjoy the hiking, tubing, painting, and camping easily available to me due to the proximity to the mountains. I studied Biology and Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of Denver, Southern Methodist University before that, and had plans to go on to become a doctor that were interrupted by chronic illness. Now I speak and write about intersectional feminism, ethical nonmonogamy, sexuality, gender, jealousy, sex education, and living with a chronic illness. I also recently started the bisexual+ nonprofit PAVES and spend most of my time working towards bisexual rights and visibility.

What being bisexual means to me

To me, being bisexual means that gender isn't an important factor in my attraction to people.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

That we exist, are valid, aren't in a phase, aren't having our cake and eating too, aren't fence-sitters, aren't greedy, aren't more likely to cheat, and that we deserve our chance at love just like the rest of the world.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

Looking back, there are a lot of signs I have always been bisexual. However, I had no idea until I fell in love with my best friend in college. Even when we were dating it took me a while to come to terms with being bisexual. I told myself she was just a fluke, that it was a phase, or that everyone experiments in college. Basically, everything that everyone else says to erase bisexuals I internalized and told myself to explain away my feelings.

Accepting my sexuality wasn't helped by the fact that the first person I told that I might be bi never spoke to me again. I finally came out to myself and some of my friends a few months later at 18. Even when I was out to myself, pieces of my conservative Christian background stuck around.

It took another 5 years to really accept myself. Once I finally got there it became really important to me to create spaces bisexuals felt included, proud, and comfortable in. I am extremely out and proud now!

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Bisexuals are at a higher risk for sexual assault and abuse- especially at the hands of an intimate partner, likely due to a lack of support and the over-sexualization of bisexuals. Unfortunately, these statistics have proven true in my personal life as well. Additionally, during these times I had a hard time finding support from both the LGBTQ+ community and the straight community. The lack of support from either world and living with what people I loved have done have been the most difficult parts of being bisexual.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

Getting to know and/or falling in love with all different types of people without their gender mattering in my attraction to them and the amazing supportive people I've met in the bisexual community.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

My family is very conservative. They reacted to me coming out as bisexual like I came out as a sexual deviant, to them bisexuals are one in the same. I grew up hearing about how LGBT people were sick and deserved death/ conversion therapy. We don't really talk anymore since I came out.

I've been broken up with for coming out and lost some friends.

My close friends have been great and supportive! Some of them told me they were bisexual when I came out to them. Sometimes chosen family is more important than biological family.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

Surround yourself with people who love you and accept your sexuality as valid; it makes coming out a lot easier when you have supportive people to talk to. It helps you remember that there is nothing wrong with being bisexual.

Give people time to come around when you come out and resources to learn about bisexuality.

Connect with the bisexual community- they have been where you are now.

Don't come out to bigoted people unless you are safe and financially secure on your own.

Anyone who doesn't accept you is the one with a problem. Who you are and who you love is not a problem.