Male

Heteroflexible

United Kingdom



Hi, I‘m Ben. I am Heteroflexible.

I grew up in Kent, England and have lived here all my life so far. Only shortly after I turned 30 could I afford to move out of my parents house. I couldn't wait, as living under their rules by Jehovah Witnesses was not emotionally healthy for me. Now living in a different town, only a short walk around the corner from where I work as a Frontend Web Designer & Developer. I've made some friends here but the most of them remain back in my home town who I travel to catch up with every few months. While I'm there I'll also see my family if I have the time, but my friends are my real supporters and ones who I trust with everything. I enjoy what I do for work so much that I'm currently in the process of starting my own web/app development business. I also enjoy watching movies, exercise and spending time with my boyfriend (who also happens to be bisexual) and going travelling together.

What being bisexual means to me

I consider myself not a subset of gay/straight community, but part of a diverse and immensely strong community - bisexuals, but actually I'm homoflexible which is a subset of bisexuality. We face many of the same struggles as gays/lesbian but also another whole heap of discrimination from the gay and lesbians themselves. Until I feel welcome amongst gay men without suffering bi-erasure. the B in LGBT will feel out of place to me.

Out of all the relationships I have ever had, those that I loved, I loved them for their personalities not their genitalia.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

I don't want to have to come out as bisexual everytime I start dating a partner of different sex than the previous one. I want to eradicate the misconception that we're all promiscuously wanting both sexes at the same time or likely to leave a partner for the opposite sex.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I've always had an attraction to guys from as long as I can remember. Even as a pre-adolescent boy me and a couple of friends would talk about it and even touch each other. In primary school I had a two day girlfriend but we broke over a disagreement about my felt tip pens. In secondary school I began noticing sexual attraction to both genders. It wasn't until college that I had my first proper kiss and sexual experience and it was with a male friend. A couple of years later I got my first relationship which was with a girl. All this time though I felt confused like my hormones or sexuality was swinging like a pendulum. Because of my more secular and sheltered life as the youngest son of a Jehovah Witness family in a large congregation and went to a conservative and religious school, I had never heard or even thought of the concept of bisexuality. The concept didn't really start becoming mainstream, as far as I'm aware, until several years later when I was in university on a night out with some newly formed gay and straight friends who said I might be bi. I googled the term and from then on have identified as bisexual. It was only last year (2015) that I discovered the term homoflexible and the Kinsey Scale.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

The experience of discrimination from within a community who they themselves have been discriminated against, where I am supposed to feel welcome in.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

Through relationship experience, we're able to build deeper connections with more genders than those of (for want of a better phrase) more limiting sexualities. My sexuality has helped me become more socially and emotionally aware of others, allowing me to build better friendships.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Some with ignorant cynicism and others with simple curiosity and multitude of the usual questions. Their attitude determines how I'll educate them.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

DO be yourself
DO take pride in your personality and appearance
DON'T make yourself the face of the misconceptions that biphobic people have against us.