New Zealand

Hi, I‘m Luka. I am Bisexual.

I'm Luka, and I'm bisexual. In addition to that, I live in Auckland, New Zealand. I currently attend high school. Current passions include: pasta, memes and bingewatching YouTube.

What being bisexual means to me

My perception of what bisexuality is exactly, especially in relation to ME, is still changing really rapidly. I am extremely lucky in the fact that I have such great access to resources such as bisexual.org, because honestly I think bisexuality could mean something different to me than it does now by tomorrow. Being 17 right now, bisexuality simply means to me that I'm physically attracted to a lot of people, regardless of their gender or sex and how they decide to present themselves in accordance with those two things.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

If I were to address the world on the topic of bisexuality or just queerness in general, I'd like them to know that no one is actually obligated to specify: a label, a 'percentage', a 'side' or even their sexuality/gender at all. Bisexual people, queer people, straight people, questioning people: NO ONE absolutely needs to know about such a small part of your identity before they decide to continue their engagement with you further. Never feel the need for justification of yourself when it comes to your sexual identity, and if you do share with people, then make sure your comfortable and safe.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

A lot of people say things like "I just knew. I've known since I was 6 years old." Or something like that. Although the 'process' of my first realising and accepting myself as bi, then telling other people occurred over 4-5 years, it still kinda hit me like a truck. In Year 7 and 8 (in intermediate school) so when I was about 12-13, a huge rumour went around for the better half of the two years that my best and only friend (a girl) were lesbians and were in a relationship, which was not true. That was the worst extended period of time in my life to date, because we were bullied for it. The thing that I realise now is that I flat out denied it, like a lot. I just had this thing where people would say 'oh she's a lesbian' and I didn't really know the full extent of the LGBTQ+ community yet, so I would never want to be labelled as gay. Whilst my denial went on, I knew that I was in fact attracted to different people, one being that best friend talked about earlier, the other being a previous 'boyfriend' (at 12 years old lol). This was my longest period of oppression of my sexuality, until about the start of Year 11 (the third year of high school). So that's about 4 years of procrastinating accepting my sexuality. In Year 11, I attended a hui (camp) for an organisation called PSSP (Peer Sexuality Support Programme). Its run in schools by Auckland Sexual Health Services and it educates students to educate other students about the LGBTQ+ community, body image/positivity, alcohol/drugs, mental health and sexual health. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. It was there that I leaned so much about how I felt, met people who were like minded and made me feel things. I 'came out' to myself first, in the mirror. Then my cat, my sister, my best friend at the time maybe 5 months after the camp. Then my parents, my dad most recently. Almost everyone I've ever told is happy for me, no one is yet to be particularly biphobic, but some are not as understanding as others. That's ok though, because now I talk about my bisexuality like it's my hair or eye colour, I've normalised it.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

For me personally, it's still a struggle with validation, as well as the whole 'phase' thing. I went on one date with a girl, then decided that we didn't really have anything in common. People kinda automatically assumed that I had just done that for attention, and didn't want to date her anymore BECAUSE she was a girl. Then of course, people still bring out the whole 'oh you'll figure it out, sexuality is fluid." Yes I know sexuality is fluid, even mine is. But right now it's bisexual, and it's not changing anytime soon. Also I think I'm still strongly influenced by the heteronormativity of society, and am possibly still a little secretly biphobic towards myself sometimes.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

If I'm being completely honest, the best thing about being bisexual is explaining it to people. Sounds a bit weird, but I love it. For example, when I came out to my biggish group of friends (about 8 people), one of them goes "what's bisexual?" And I'm like "let me educate you". It's great, because you know that you've just told someone something that they don't know, and who better to let them know (in a positive way) than a real life bisexual!

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

Well, surprisingly well. It's like I'm suspicious about how good people have reacted to my coming out, probably because of all those 'coming out to my dad caught on camera' vids on YouTube that I used to watch, where the whole thing would just result in an angry parent and a homeless kid. I'm lucky, I may not feel like it all the time, but I'm one of the most privileged member of the LGBT+ community I know - I don't get bullied by my parents or my peers. And although my sexual orientation isn't represented in the media, and most people don't even think we exist, I know that I have a good circle of people who don't really care about who I like.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

I swear this is one of the biggest things anyone will tell you: don't feel pressured to label how you feel quickly, and especially don't feel pressured to prove your sexuality once you have come out. Although you are bisexual, that doesn't mean that you have to be dating someone(s) of the same sex. Doesn't mean people have to see you dressed in purple, blue and pink all the time. It just means that you are you, and you are now even more fab than you were before! If you're questioning your sexuality, it's the same thing. People may actually straight up ask you: "are you gay?" I'm telling you that you don't have to answer them if you don't feel like it. You figure yourself out first, no matter how long it takes. (Btw watching a whole lot of same sex tv dramas and movies on Netflix helps).