United States

Hi, I‘m Mry. I am Pansexual.

Hello. My name is Mry and it's lovely to meet you. I am a young woman who just lot a lot in her life, picked up the pieces, and decided that from then on, she was going to be as positive a presence in the world as possible. I am a fierce Gryffindor. I am a sufferer of bipolar disorder, anxiety, thyroid disease, and a few other serious medical conditions. I grew up in a conservative town in South Carolina. My goals are to move to Colorado and pursue careers in funeral services, burlesque, theatre, music, writing, advocacy, and to continue finding myself as a person. I attended public school and was lucky to have access to many books and eventually the Internet. Being a total nerd, I enjoyed learning everything I could. I then attended a prestigious university in the state and received my Bachelors degree. Unfortunately, this did not secure a happy and successful life as I was led to believe. I became an excellent theatre teacher, but it did not work out. Luckily, I'm a woman of many passions and great influences in my life, so I was able to trudge forward. I'm finally learning to love myself and find the light in the darkness that has consumed most of my life.

What being bisexual means to me

To me, being bisexual means I have a large duty to support all sexualities and gender identities. Having gone through so much prejudice, hate, confusion, and losing the respect of many people, I have realized that my sexuality carries a lot of power and weight. I am so proud of who I am and happy that I love and find so much beauty in so many people. I think that when I have a male and a female form make my heart race in the same way, I feel joy that I feel no inclination to flinch or look away as I was led to do all throughout my childhood. All sexual and gender identities are sacred and deserve our nurturing, our care, and our spreading the word about the truths of humanity.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

I would love the world to know that no sexual or gender identities are really preferences or choices; we are who we are. So many people are busy talking about what bisexuals AREN'T instead of talking about what we are. We are: Human. Loving. Capable. Brave. Strong. Sexy. Worth it. Real. We are real. Having always been queer, I always had confusion about how straight or asexual people must feel, even being tempted to invalidate their experiences. However, I remember how invalidated my experiences are to this day, and I realize that we are all part of the same beautiful species. How we love is not a sin; love is all.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

When I reach back to my childhood, I remember watching movies with my friends at sleepovers and arguing who was who. I still love relating people to fictional characters. However, I was always...angry if I didn't get to choose my favorite women. I didn't know why. It didn't seem like the normal greed of innocence that kids feel over toys or time. It felt bigger. I just shook it off; being a feminist from birth I just assumed that I looked up to these fictional characters to the point of being territorial over them. I have always been really attracted to people; I had a boyfriend at 5 years old who I'd peck on the lips and giggle about. However, things changed when I was 12 and heard girls my age talking about kissing or touching other girls. It excited me! I didn't feel weird for wanting to do the same. I had this one (still hopelessly gorgeous and wonderful) friend at 13 who had boasted about kissing many girls. One day, we were in the woods when she was talking about it all. I remember saying "I wonder what it feels like to kiss a girl" when she grabbed me and her soft lips fell upon mine. It was my first REAL kiss. There was even tongue, which was totally new to me! It woke up every fiber of my existence. The world had new colors. The air smelled different. My heart raced. I obviously didn't want to pressure her, but all I could think about was how I wanted to do it again and again. It suddenly dawned on me that her beautiful figure and personality were more than just admirable--they were downright attractive. It scared me. It freed me. From then, I realized that maybe I just liked French kissing because I had never done that. My favorite director was always Tim Burton in my childhood, and around this age is when Helena Bonham Carter seemed to be everywhere. I eventually joked that I was straight unless Helena Bonham Carter was in the mix. I have a similar stage presence, personality, and acting style as Helena, so my family told me my attraction to her was because I looked up to her and that I liked pale men with dark hair, so I was probably projecting my attraction onto a person I saw myself in. It was comfortable to agree to. I went along with it. By the time I was 17 or so, I knew this wasn't really holding up anymore because I had started to kiss girls at sleepovers if they wanted to know what it was like. My best friend all through high school was a gay man, and I became a fierce activist for LGBT+ rights. The signs were right there in front of my face. I kept it all pent up. I denied myself. The kisses were just exploration. having been told that bisexuality is "just a phase" I discredited my feelings over and over. When I was 18, I went to college. I expected that something more than kissing would occur with many people, and I was right. I lost my "girlginity" rather quickly with a lesbian who always accused me of being a straight girl just because it was always obvious that I liked men. I started to come out as bisexual, often to the laughter and raised eyebrows or literal abandonment of those closest to me. I didn't want to complain because in my mind, my experience wasn't significant because I had it easy and I was straight-passing because I love dresses and makeup and sex with men. However, I should not have done that to myself. After having sex with my first woman, I realized that I had my final answer: I was definitely, 100% into women, even more than I was into men! I still fancied men, but girls were all I could think about when I wanted to sexually fantasize. Helena still made me quiver, but so did countless other women of all fashions and styles. I really don't have a "type" when it comes to who I'm attracted to. After freshman year of college, people started to take me more seriously as a queer person because they had already gotten their experimentation out of their systems but I still seemed to be in that phase. If that "phase" started to be noticeable by 7 years at that point, shouldn't it have passed when I fell in love with men and was continued to be accused of being selfish or just wanting attention for the male gaze because dudes liked watching lesbians? It didn't. It stayed. I started to feel romantic attachments to many girls in my life. I dated some girls, but most of them were lesbians who refused to make it official with me because they were scared I'd cheat on them with a man. I am NOT a cheater and it really hurt my feelings that I was not being given a chance by the people I believed in most: strong women. However, I accepted their feelings and moved on. When I eventually graduated college, had proudly announced my assurance of my identity, and refused to allow people to tell me what I did and did not like, people finally started to believing in me. Now, I am happy, empowered, and so very free. I love men. I love women. I love everything in between. I am now trying to get into the habit of telling people that I am actually pansexual, but still calling me bisexual doesn't bother me at all--just do not call me straight! Ever!

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

I often feel like I'm not straight enough for men and not gay enough for women. I understand that each person in an intimate relationship wants security, but it's rather hurtful to not get the trust that I am not going to have a wandering eye and that my attraction to someone is real. I don't want to be straight enough or gay enough for anyone; I want to be who I am for myself and for others like me. Luckily, I am starting to be able to detect who is able to accept this about me.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

This is a hard question. I would have to say that I don't feel confined in some sort of box. I feel as if I have more of a chance to find intimate partners in life because I don't feel limited to one thing or another, though I can certainly testify that being bisexual doesn't get you more dates at all. If anything, I have ended up in more relationships with men that I wasn't particularly craving because women kept turning me down for the fear of being cheated on. However, I feel so open and so excited that I find so many different types of beauty in so many identities and sexualities. I feel safe.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

"But if you're in a relationship with a man right now, that means you're straight."
"I love you, but your lifestyle is going to send you to Hell."
"It would hurt me more if someone left me for a man than a woman. I don't know why. It just would."
"Honey, doesn't it feel better to have a big strong man's arms around you at the end of the day?"
"I am glad you're into boys/girls because we can talk about it together and it's not weird."
"You just want men to think you're sexy and adventurous in bed."
"You are soooooo hot."
"You just can't choose a side because you're selfish."
"Oh, that's cool."
"No you aren't. You'll figure that out someday."
"It's just a phase."
"You have no right to be a part of the LGBT+ community." (I wasn't going to offer commentary on these things, but what the heck do you think the B stands for in this situation?)

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

Stick to your gut. Your sexuality can change. You don't need a label unless it feels right to have one. No one can tell you what you desire. You are worth it. You are important. The closet is a dark, lonely place; coming out of it may be the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but if you feel the need to let people know, don't second guess yourself out of fear. You are NOT alone. You don't have to feel 50/50; some days I'm 20/80 or 10/90 or anywhere in between. Bi is beautiful. It isn't just about sex. You aren't wrong. You aren't dirty. You're not a freak or a mistake. You are YOU.