Male

Bisexual

United States



Hi, I‘m Reid. I am Bisexual.

I am married, have a young daughter, live in Athens, Georgia and am employed as an Instructional Technologist at UGA. I came here from Atlanta in 1989 to go to college and I loved the town so much I never left. I hold a BA in English that I somehow earned in spite of myself. I am a music lover, a guitar-player, singer, songwriter, and recordist. I collect records and am a voracious reader when the mood strikes. I suffer from a fairly acute case of anglophilia, and further proving myself no true son of the south I loathe bourbon but love Islay Scotch.

What being bisexual means to me

Being bisexual means being open to and unafraid of the gift that I've been given. I am a very sexual creature and accepting my bisexuality has swung the door open wide to the range of experiences available to me. It's making my life richer and more fulfilling.

What I would like the world to know about bisexuals

I would like people to know that bisexuality is not a monolithic thing, with all of us equally attracted physically and emotionally to males and females. I identify as something along the lines of "hetero-romantic bisexual"--I can only be in love with a woman, but I have a strong physical need for sexual contact with men.

What was your path to a bisexual identity?

I went most of my life not knowing what I was, believing that since I had no romantic interest in men that I wasn't bisexual, and that my physical need for sex with men was something to be ashamed of and hidden. I wasted a lot of my life and suffered silently for my secret, suppressing my urges, too afraid of being exposed. I guess it's been in the last ten years or so that as society has become less threatening, the fears gradually receded, and my physical needs grew stronger, bordering on urgency. I started spending a lot of time reading articles, forum posts, blogs, whatever I could find about being bisexual. I came to understand the spectrum of bisexuality and that I was just one of who knows how many men with the same desires, and after a lot of reflection was able to look in the mirror and say, "I am bisexual." It stopped feeling scary to say after a while, and I was able to come out to my spouse. Once I told her I was bisexual and asked that we work together to find ways that she was comfortable with for me to express and explore the male side of my sexuality, it was like a switch was turned off. The weight was off of me just like that, and just like that the idea of being a bisexual man was no longer something to be afraid of but rather celebrated. With nothing to hide, nothing to lose and everything to gain, I feel better than I have in years. My desires no longer threaten me and for the first time I love who I am, I am a bisexual man and I don't care who knows it.

What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?

Being married and wanting to be open about everything with my partner, but knowing that there are aspects of my sexual identity that she simply cannot understand. I will be able to express myself with the men I'm with, which is great, but I will still need to keep certain things to myself.

What is the best thing about being bisexual?

Having the freedom to explore a wide spectrum of human sexual desire is wonderful. It's also enabling me to develop closer friendships with men of like minds, even if we are not sexual partners. I suddenly feel included and understood.

How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?

So far, very positively. My wife is fully supportive, and we have begun to see a sex therapist to work out the details of how I am to pursue the needs I have. I see nothing but positive results from my coming out.

What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?

Find people to talk to and someplace where you can go and say what's on your mind--even if it's anonymous and online. You may know intellectually that you're not alone, but making contact, feeling a part of a community, building up a little trust in yourself and the rest of the world is a good thing.