It seems that many women, even while acknowledging their own sexual fluidity, don’t want to date men who are sexually fluid.
My column at bi.org is coming to an end, but my mission to help you find Good Bi Love is not. And as we all know, with every ending comes a new beginning.
A recent study supports the notion that LGBTQ people are more likely to be liberal than their heterosexual peers. But there are large differences when broken down by gender and sexual orientation within the LGBTQ community.
As I’ve been delving back into the world of dating women, which differs vastly from the queer world of gay/bi men, it’s been somewhat of a struggle.
As modern bi culture continues to grow, let’s continue being our fabulous bi selves, and while never feeling pressured to “pick a side,” not feel guilty for finding ourselves drawn towards either the gay or straight community.
For years, I hid from my old straight "bro" friends; I recently rekindled those relationships and it was good.
We are making huge strides in bi visibility, the next step is to start creating bi spaces.
Here are a few ways to deal with your biphobic family members over the next few weeks.
How hard should you work to be friends with your ex?
It is wonderful to see the recent explosion of bi visibility, but what is the next step?
After years of looking for "The One," I realized that maybe right now, I just want to focus on me.
This week on Good Bi Love I’m going to help you find the many silver linings of dating as a bi person.
Even as millennials are becoming more open-minded to previously taboo topics like casual sex, sexual fluidity, and PrEP; slut-shaming still runs rampant in the gay/bi male community.
Did you miss the opportunity to come out during bi week? Don't worry, National Coming Out Day is just around the corner.
I think you might be experiencing a little bit of shame, and you veil this shame with confusion, when the truth of the matter is that you’re not confused.
Just because we are celebrating today, it doesn't mean we’re done being proud and visible!
Continuing in the spirit of celebration this Bi Pride Month, this week, I want to discuss something short and sweet: Why I Love Being Bi.
Happy Bi Pride Month! Sometimes it's easy to fixate on our struggles, so let's try to use this month to reflect on how much we have grown into the awesome bi individuals we are.
Are bi people kinkier than the rest of the world?
I deleted Grindr for 90 days and learned that there's nothing wrong with using Grindr.
I sometimes feel like I’m only bi, and that’s what people know me for, but there’s so much more to me than my sexual orientation.
Stop assuming people will change for you. Nor should you change fundamental things about your identity or relationship-style for anyone else.
What to do when you're happily monogamous, but feel like there's a part of your sexuality that you still need to explore?
After coming out to his girlfriend as bi, this young man is still filled with doubt.
Do you have to be equally attracted to men and women to be bi?
Dating while bi can be frustrating, but I recently realized that I can't allow past rejections to shut ourselves off from future relationships.
I’ve struggled with labels my whole life.... I’m fascinated by them, and I think they hold an incredible power to both unite but also further divide us.
Don’t let others discourage you from being your best bi self... All the times you put yourself out there, only to be shut down, are still worth it. Because you do help change people’s mind. You do help in the fight for visibility.
While reflecting on my birthday, I realized that when I embraced my sexuality I became more comfortable with ambiguity in all aspects of my life.
Identifying as bi can be daunting. Here are 6 thoughts that might make if easier to embrace the awesome bi label.
Pride is for the entire LGBTQ community, don't let prejudices within the community hide your amazing bi relationships.
Let's celebrate that our community has been growing ever more visible and push to make the next year better than the last.
Nevertheless, the honest to god truth is that I typically prefer to date men. This doesn’t mean I exclusively date men. That doesn’t mean I’m not open to dating women.... Here, however, are a few reasons why I prefer to date men.
Initially, I had nothing positive to say about this song, but then I had to accept that the narrative of the song does reflect a part of our bi community.
There’s nothing inherently more likely to make bi+ people polyamorous. I think it’s because we felt we didn’t fit in to the heteronormative ideal of relationships, and therefore, challenged traditional notions of relationships more.
Instead of saying, “It gets better,” we should tell other members of the queer community that it could get worse… maybe a lot worse… before it does get better. But eventually, coming out will be absolutely worth it.
You would think someone on a show called Queer Eye would know what the word bisexual means.
You’re allowed to have things upset you. You’re allowed to question the actions of your partner. But I simply don’t have the mental capacity to deal with people who are insecure about my sexuality.
Abbi Jacobson has admitted to being attracted to men and women, but she didn't use "The B Word." Is it fair for us to call her bi?
If you’re asking this question, I feel like you’re already on the path to being a fabulous partner, and he is damn lucky to have you.
It would be hypocritical of me to only allow myself to “live my truth” with men, but then not with women. It’s about living all of one’s truth.
Let's quit trying to "out-queer" each other and work together to make the world better for everyone.
I think if we could allow for sexual curiosity and same-sex platonic intimacy, straight men would be healthier. There would also be less homophobia and sexism in the world.
Yes, there are more bi characters on TV than there have been in the past, but are there really that many and why the sudden increase?
Are queer people afraid to speak up because they are afraid of using the wrong language?
If you haven't seen it yet, watch it. If you have, watch it again. Janelle Monae's amazing new music video shows us the joy of being bi.
No matter where you live, at some point in your life, you will come out as bi to someone new, and they will invalidate your bisexuality. Either they will claim bisexuality doesn’t exist, you’re confused, you're doing it for attention, or you’re “actually gay.” It’s inevitable.
He cocked an eyebrow. “Are you bi?" I said I am. Queue eye roll and typical response, “Bi men are just gay men who haven’t come fully out,” he said.
I would find myself annoyed with straight and gay family members and friends for making everything about my bi identity. While they did this out of love -- and to illustrate their support -- it got on my nerves.
Bisexuality isn't just about sex scandals, and it's time for the media to reflect that.
Bi folks deserve to celebrate our coming out just as much as everyone else does.
Wouldn’t my life just be a hell of a lot easier if I identified as gay? If I only spoke about, dated, screwed, and loved men? Yes, I believe it undoubtedly would be…if I were gay.
Sexuality isn’t stagnant. In fact, it’s a journey for everyone regardless of sexual orientation, then we can approach Aaron’s coming out process not as confusion, but as a journey.
Happy New Year, here are a few ways to make your 2018 even more bi-tastic than 2017.
So instead of having this smug satisfaction that comes from correcting another person’s sexual identity, let’s be supportive. Let’s believe. And if believing is too much, then let’s keep our mouths shut.
Last week in Good Bi Love, I explored the question, “Is it right to encourage others to label themselves as bi?" Here are some of your thoughts on the subject.
What is our role? As activists, bis, and queers ourselves? We want to help, but is going around telling everyone that they should claim the bi label the right thing to do?
I felt as if I found a community. And as any bi guy can tell you, an accepting community is not always easy to come by.
Biphobia touches us all in different ways, this week Zachary Zane talks with Dr. Nathan Grant Smith about the potential effects of internalized biphobia among bi men.
At the end of the day, I claim bisexuality proudly. I feel it suits me best. So please, stop telling me I should change my label. I never tell you that you should change yours.
I worry that gay people who condemn Spacey for saying he “chooses” to be gay will then turn around and tell bi folks to just “choose a side” already.
I told her that the bi label will always be there for her. That it absolutely fits her identity, and she should never feel any shame or embarrassment for claiming the label.
Bi.org contributor Zachary Zane talks to Dr. Nicole Johnson of The Department of Education and Human Services at Lehigh University about some of the reasons why bi women may face higher rates of sexual violence.
Zachary Zane talks to Taylor Jenkins Reid about her novel "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" and its bi protagonist.
On National Coming Out Day, I think it’s important to recognize not only those who have the courage and strength to come out, but also those who unconditionally support us and give us the strength to do so.
How bi do you have to be to call yourself bi?
On this day, I want to celebrate being bi. I want to encourage others to come out and embrace the label.... So I figured I’ll start us off. Here are just a few of the reasons I love being bi.
Regardless of your lifestyle, you’re still bi, and you’re still a part of the bi and LGBTQ community. Your sexuality is independent of what activities you like to engage in.
My conversation with an Uber driver who just didn't get my bisexuality or my breaking of gender norms.
Sometimes, just by existing and being your true (bi) self, you’re being an activist. Besides, there will be plenty more times to correct someone when they mislabel your sexual orientation.
This week bi.org contributor Zachary Zane talked to Dr. Sabra Katz-Wise about negative physical health disparities faced by the bi community and what may be causing them.
We also need to create spaces that encourage and reward bi disclosure. That would (hopefully) create a positive feedback loop: More bi-visibility → more people come out → creates more bi-visibility → even more bi folks come out!
Now the idea that we’re on teams is ludicrous....being a part of the “straight” team, it is your job to “defeat” the gay team. Whatever the hell “defeat” means in this context.
These men (and to a lesser extent women) use the poly or open label as justification to screw around, without taking into account the emotions of other people.... However, I would argue that these men aren’t “open." They are simply jerks.
One question I've received repeatedly, and to be frank, one question I really hadn’t thought much about prior, was “What’s the role of my straight partner in making my bisexuality visible?”
Statistically there are more bi folks than gay and lesbian. So where are they all and how do you find them?
Welcome to "Good Bi Love," Bi.org's newest biweekly column.
Now I do my best not to assume based off of stereotypes or make snap judgements about a person’s identity or character. I attempt to look at all the possible outcomes of a situation instead of only looking for the most likely one.
I thought I was “just gay,” but then I’d remember all of the women I had loved in my lifetime, and all the times I’d cried over a woman I liked, and it was clear that I am not gay.
Because I don't feel as comfortable around women, deleted my dating apps, and tend to avoid straight places, I meet many more queer men than straight or bi women. Nevertheless, I’m still attracted to women.
I feel like we sometimes forget to acknowledge the amazing bi folks in mainstream media who are killing it with regards to visibility. This piece is for the women in mainstream media who not only proudly identify as bi, but also advocate for bi equality.
I don’t think you should feel obligated to put that you’re bi on your dating profile if you don’t want to do so. However, for your sake, and to make your romantic/dating life easier, I would highly consider doing so!
Frank Ocean is a beacon of visibility for folks who are attracted to more than one gender. His music and words have helped me, and I’m sure thousands of others like me, by showing me that I’m not alone.
The bi+ community needs to make bi+ spaces for ourselves.
Often, when we say we’re bi to new folks we meet, we’re the first out and open bi person with whom they've had the privilege of speaking. This puts a lot of weight on us. Because you know that their interaction with you will form their opinion on all bi people for the rest of eternity. (Or at least it seems like that.)
Being bi, for me, doesn’t mean I don’t care about a person’s appearance. It doesn't mean that I’m only attracted to personality. On the contrary, it means I’m attracted to various physical forms (along with personality as well).
So many people think of bi folks as “greedy,” as “wanting it all,” as always on the hunt for new, more, different partners, they forget that we are also people who can be alone.
Now, I have a new fear when coming out. It’s not that people won’t believe it, it’s that they’ll somehow belittle my sexuality by thinking it’s “new" or "hip."
Roger may not be the average person (or alien) you would tell your kid to aspire to be. Nevertheless, there’s something in his pride, his confidence in his sexuality, and his brutal honesty that is inspiring to me.
I truly believe that there is a man, woman, or genderqueer person out there who would love to date your sexy bi self.
At this point, I’ve now been out for a while, and no longer wallow that many people of various genders refuse to date me. The reason why? I’ve come to see the silver lining.
In a perfect world, we might not need labels, but we do not live in a perfect world.
Bizarrely enough, it was polyamory that forced me to confront my jealousy issues and insecurities. It was polyamory that forced me to dig deep down to see what the root of my jealousy was.
The thing about non-monogamous relationships: There’s no unified definition. The more non-monogamous folks I encounter, the more I’m shocked by the number of configurations and variety of rules that exist within the non-monogamous community.
We, the queer community, want to say, “What if I chose to be queer? Let’s say I did. What’s wrong with that?” The answer of course, is nothing.
I had begun to think something was wrong with me. I thought I was incapable of finding true love. That’s when I had the revelation. It wasn’t me that was the issue. It wasn’t my partner. It wasn’t that we weren’t good for each other. It was monogamy.
These four tropes in bisexual porn seem to encompass the vast majority of videos tagged as "bisexual".
Why do a fifth of self-identified straight men watch gay porn? My gut response was to say some of these men are actually closeted gay or bi, but I think that’s an oversimplification.
How does a bi man -- who doesn’t want to be like the stereotypical objectifying straight guy -- reveal that they’re bi in a way that’s not overtly sexual or predatory?
Gracefully transitioning between 'gay' and 'straight' culture isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. So, I've been asking myself, when the world is divided into 'gay and straight,' where do I put my effort into meeting a partner when I’m neither?
Dr. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli of Deakin University talks to bi.org about her new book "Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men by Women".
We talk to Dr. Eric Schrimshaw of Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health about his recent study on why bisexual men are not coming out to partners, family, and friends.
Schrimshaw found that many men aren’t “confused” about their (bi)sexuality. They know they are attracted to both men and women; however, they aren’t open about their (bi)sexuality because they fear stigma, ridicule, and being outed.
So please, I know you mean well, and I’m flattered, I truly am, but stop asking me and my boyfriend to make out. Stop telling us how hot it is. Stop objectifying our queerness and love.
I want to focus on why I love being bisexual. Why it is not only a blessing, but a privilege that I was able to discover my (bi)sexuality. And even if I was magically presented the option to press a button and turn either gay or straight, I would never, in a million years, change my sexual orientation.
For literally everything else in life, humans can like more than one thing - and usually without judgement. It shouldn't be inconceivable to think that some of us have the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender.