I Don’t Need to Date a Man to Prove My Sexuality

9/7/2018

istock/nd3000

Being bi means something different to each and every person. That’s part of what makes it such a cool community to be part of, but it’s also why so many of us seem to be misunderstood.

Obviously, I am not a woman, so I can’t really talk about what that experience is like but speaking for myself, as a man, there have been ups and downs ever since I came out.

Part of being bi, I have learned, is having to come out over and over again. To everyone. And then you have to go through question time and people, at least where I am from, act like it’s some crazy thing they would have never expected.

For real people, it’s the 21st century. Dudes like other dudes; chicks like other chicks and it’s all ok. As long as things are happening between two consenting adults, then whatever. We should all be free to express our feelings, our attractions and our love, however we want.

Some people are monogamous, some people aren’t. And you know what, that’s cool, too. After all, you can’t really get what you want in life unless you are honest. So if you are bi, be honest about it. Same as if you were straight, gay, or whatever. You have to be you and that’s the most important lesson I have learned.

But I have also learned this: I will never date a man and I don’t need to in order to prove my sexual identity.

I know that you should never say never, but in this instance, I feel pretty confident. Like 99.9 percent sure and not the 99.9 percent sure that Michael Jordan was when he retired from the Chicago Bulls after his sixth championship.

I can say that with certainty, just like I can say with near certainty I will never date another woman either. Why you ask? Because I have already found the love of my life and no matter where I land on the sexual spectrum, that’s not going to change. She is my one and only.

I love her and I have loved her from the first time I laid eyes on her. Sometimes, you meet people and something just happens. A spark goes off and in your mind, your heart, your gut, and in your soul, you know you met someone that will change your life forever. My wife was that person. She was then and she’s even more now.

I have other attractions, just like she does and everyone does. We can’t turn those things off but we can choose not to act on them — to stay faithful and to fall in love.

I can look at men and find them attractive and do absolutely nothing about it, just like I can with women. Being bi literally means just that I am capable of attraction to both men and women. It doesn’t mean I am a slut and it certainly doesn’t mean I am not capable of being in love.

In fact, I think the opposite is true. My wife helped me find the courage to say “you know what, I am bisexual and that’s cool.” Maybe it freaked her out a bit, but that’s just because there is this misconception that bi guys are just gay guys in waiting, when that is so far from the truth.

I have been into the opposite sex since grade school and still prefer women to men. But still, that doesn’t mean I am not bi. I know I’m bi and if I am being honest, I have known for a long time.

You know how I can tell? Looking back, there were lots of signs. For years, I didn’t watch porn. Like at all, because I noticed my feelings of attraction towards the men, as well as the women and it made me uncomfortable. Instead of accepting those feelings, I ran from them and tried to pretend they didn’t exist.

I’d get that same uneasy feeling anytime I met a guy I was attracted to or saw a handsome stud on TV. I thought maybe it was just me being jealous. However, looking back, it wasn’t jealousy, it was me being uncomfortable with my own natural attractions.

I didn’t like watching movies with super-hot guys in them. In my mind, I thought, my wife is just going to think he’s super hot and blah. But really, I didn’t want myself to think he was super hot and have to deal with that for two long hours.

The last straw for me came to sports. I am a big sports guy. I love sports and I always have. I write about them for a career and following them is a true passion of mine. More accurately, it’s an obsession.

But damn if I didn’t get affected there too. Watching golf, a pro golfer who I won’t name, just kept catching my eye. His stupid muscles, and face, and (gulp) package. I caught myself thinking, why the hell does he have the wear those pants!?

It made me feel so weird and uncomfortable, I changed the channel because I didn’t want to look, but at the same time, I couldn’t help myself. And at some point, I realized and admitted, you know what, I’m kinda into dudes and then for the first time in my life, I accepted it.

And that, for me, was a game changer of epic proportions. Acceptance has been struggle, especially when you get negative reactions. But it was also exciting to understand myself better and to have the freedom to express myself more.

That doesn’t mean I am out seeking guys or whatever. It just means different things. At times, acting a little more feminine, but you know what, I was that way before. I like doing my hair and trying look good. I use my wife’s products for my face all the time. I want my skin to look good and age well, is that a freaking crime? I want my hair to be stylish, is that so horrible?

No it’s not. It’s just me being me. Sometimes, I like to look pretty, other times, I want to be handsome and that’s what this whole thing has been about. I am just a person that wants to openly express who I am, which is a bi man that is married and has already met the love of his love.

So no, I have no plans to date a man ever. But that doesn’t make me straight, just like how I will never date another woman, doesn’t make me gay. It just means I am in love and that I have a family I love dearly.

That love goes far deeper than any silly attraction. It’s also the most important thing in my life and while I have undergone changes that might seem drastic to some, my love for her has always been the constant. And deep down, that hasn’t changed, just like I haven’t changed.

Instead, I have just opened up.

The truth is I am bi and I always have been. The only difference is I am not afraid of it anymore. I have realized my bisexuality is unique to me. It’s unique to everyone. But instead of running from it, I am celebrating it and honestly, I can’t tell you how good that feels.

Chris Peterson
I am a sports writer from Montana who has recently opened up about my bi-sexuality. It was something I have tried to hide from for a long time. Not anymore. I'm bi and I am hopelessly in love with the most beautiful woman in the world.