Goodbye, Good Bi Love

12/31/2018

Exactly one and a half years ago, I was offered a column here at bi.org. For the first time in my writing career, I had the opportunity to discuss exactly what it was I thought was missing from the mainstream LGBT conversation, without any undue influence from higher-ups.

I knew, of course, I needed to discuss the B in LGBT, the most underrepresented queer community despite composing its majority. But I didn’t want to regurgitate the few thoughtful pieces I saw about the bi community, which were always written by bi people for monosexual audiences. All these articles geared to straight and gay individuals expressed how difficult it is to be bi in a society where being attracted to multiple genders is invalidated, scorned, and stereotyped.

While these articles were undoubtedly necessary, there didn’t seem to be a plethora of articles written by bi authors with other bi folks in mind. That was my mindset when I embarked on Good Bi Love — to write content specifically for members of the bi community.

Over the past 18 months and 75 articles, we’ve tackled nearly every personal issue that only bi folks experience.

Countless times, we’ve explored how to find meaningful romantic relationships, and how to address challenges surrounding insecurity, infidelity, and biphobia (both internal and external). We’ve also expanded how intimacy can manifest, noting that love doesn’t look the same for everyone. Ethical non-monogamy, BDSM, and platonic life partners are just a few unconventional ways to have fulfilling intimate relationships.

Together, we’ve learned the importance of taking risks. No matter who you are or where you’re from, coming out is scary. Coming out to your wife, or husband, with whom you share three children and a decade of marriage, is even scarier. But living your truth is worth it. And while the people you currently know might not accept you for who you are, you will, in time, find a group of people who do. Will it be easy finding them? Most likely not. Will you face numerous challenges along the way? Probably. But the vast majority of the time, the risk is one worth taking.

We also explored the silver linings and beautiful outcomes that come once one embraces their bisexuality. All too often, the only content about bisexuality is, for lack of a better word, depressing. For all the challenges that come with being openly bi, there are an equal number of benefits. I’ve been able to embrace ambiguity in other aspects of my life, which have allowed me to take more risks — both professionally and interpersonally. I’ve been able to be privy to both gay and straight cultures. While I’ve been rejected for being bi, I’ve also been thoroughly embraced for my sexuality by other queer, open-minded, and wonderful people. I’ve found a community of queers that love me for all of who I am. There’s nothing more powerful in the world than feeling belonged, especially after numerous years of feeling so alone.

In short, we’ve learned that being bisexual is a blessing, and we are privileged that we are attracted to multiple genders. Our lives are undoubtedly richer because of it.

Even though my column at bi.org is coming to an end, my mission to help you find Good Bi Love is not. I will tirelessly continue promoting bi voices and visibility. And as we all know, with every ending comes a new beginning. While I’m not allowed go into detail about the future projects I’m working on, I can tell you I have two new columns starting in the upcoming weeks. One will be focused more on vice-category topics (i.e., sex, marijuana, nightlife), and the other will have a playful yet academic tone, with content that specifically focuses on queer identities.

While 2018 was deemed 20gayteen, 2019 is officially 20biteen. This new year, let’s continue being our fabulous bi selves without an ounce of reservation or shame.

As always, I’m only an email away. You can reach me at [email protected] or on Twitter and Instagram at Zacharyzane_.

Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane a Brooklyn-based freelance writer, speaker, YouTuber, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, identity politics, relationships, and culture. He's a contributing editor at The Advocate Magazine, a columnist at Bi.org, and currently writes for The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Out Magazine, and PRIDE.