The zero-sum game mentality demands that we choose between false dichotomies: Are you driven by emotion or intellect? Do you put your career first, or your relationships with loved ones? Are you attracted to men or to women?
I always enjoy when I see or hear of someone coming out. Whether it’s in person or through social media, it’s nice to be able to offer a word of congratulations or, if the coming out process is going poorly, provide advice or encouragement to the person in need. However, in our current tumultuous political climate, I have started seeing another type of coming out story...
I don’t want to be the special exception to your small-minded belief system; oftentimes, these people act as if they’re making a huge personal and moral sacrifice to accept me as who I am and seem to think I should be thrilled to be the one person in the world who is like this that they accept.
Wouldn’t my life just be a hell of a lot easier if I identified as gay? If I only spoke about, dated, screwed, and loved men? Yes, I believe it undoubtedly would be…if I were gay.
Thanks to social dating apps, it was and still is relatively easy to find a date or hookup, but finding the long-term friendships I was looking for was not happening with a woof or right swipe...at least not to start.
2017 has been a struggle for many of us, here are some of the shows, movies, podcasts that have helped us get through those rough patches.
I thought we were building a real relationship, then I noticed she only treated me like her girlfriend when there was someone there to witness it.
So instead of having this smug satisfaction that comes from correcting another person’s sexual identity, let’s be supportive. Let’s believe. And if believing is too much, then let’s keep our mouths shut.
I’m not going to be the person who shows everyone that bi people aren’t like that, and I’m okay with that.
At the end of the day, I claim bisexuality proudly. I feel it suits me best. So please, stop telling me I should change my label. I never tell you that you should change yours.
I still had this uneasiness I couldn't quite shake. I was back in the closet, in a strange way, and it felt uncomfortable. It was like I was that kid again wanting to scream “I'm bi!” at the top of my lungs.
I told her that the bi label will always be there for her. That it absolutely fits her identity, and she should never feel any shame or embarrassment for claiming the label.
“I feel joy and comfort knowing I am not alone in this world..... Everyone is unique and different and I don't want to judge anyone no more.”
This Unicorn Scale edition covers my newest, happiest TV obsession – “The Bold Type,” ... This frothy, fashionable, blisteringly smart comedy-drama centers on the adventures of Jane, Sutton, and Kat, three twentysomething women working at Scarlet, a global women’s magazine.
Being out has meant different things to me throughout my life, what does it mean to you?
On National Coming Out Day, I think it’s important to recognize not only those who have the courage and strength to come out, but also those who unconditionally support us and give us the strength to do so.
Bi.org contributor Lewis Oakley was just nominated as one of PinkNews' Campaigners of the Year. He talks about what this nomination means and how we can all be activists for our community.
Basically, straight guys, it’s like this: If you want to bond with me, just try doing it the normal way.... Don’t treat me any differently simply because you find out I would also love the opportunity to date Megan Fox.
In preparation for this week's season premiere, The Unicorn Scale takes a peek at Bob's Burgers.
In this era of superhero movies, bi.org contributor Jennie Roberson imagines what her bi superhero would be like.
On this day, I want to celebrate being bi. I want to encourage others to come out and embrace the label.... So I figured I’ll start us off. Here are just a few of the reasons I love being bi.
Just because you love something doesn’t mean it’s perfect, nor does it mean that it’s ultimately the best fit for you...and that’s how I feel about the place I grew up.
I asked Max about his fear of coming out bi to the world at large. He replied that in the old days it was more about his male ego, whereas now, it's the potential effect on his family that he's worried about.
This week bi.org contributor Greg Ward spoke with Nelda, a young bi woman who is very active and out as bi online, but hasn't yet fully come out in her everyday life.
I’ve struggled with whether I wanted to be a representative every time I mention my sexuality. So I’ve tried different approaches over the years - with varying results.
She feels like she belongs in [online bi] groups but sometimes feels like a fraud because she's never had any sexual experiences with women; only with men. “Can I really call myself bisexual?” Lulu asked. “Like, that's something I struggle with sometimes.”
As far as coming to terms with my sexuality, I am currently in a period when I am more attracted to women, and I think to myself, 'Am I maybe gay?' But then I get that familiar feeling that says, 'Nope. Still bi.'
If I had it my way, I’d never not work with a fellow bi person. We need each other.
We Bi+ people are so easily made invisible, we need to create visibility, to show up, to hold space for each other. We need to loudly and proudly make it known that we are Bi+ and not ashamed and not afraid.
Especially when bi people make up the largest portion of the LGB community, our continued erasure is dishonest. Bisexual is not a dirty word and the media's continued refusal to use it only perpetuates the perception that it is.
Meet Gloria. She is bi and not yet out. Here is her story.
I’ve learned that outside my personal sphere, there will most likely never be a point in my life when I won’t be faced with coming out as bi.
This week bi.org contributor Greg Ward talks to a woman in a very conservative church in a conservative area. Even though coming out isn't simple for her, she still sees the beauty of her bisexuality and how it allows her to perceive and interpret the world differently than her straight counterparts.
“I support you, I just don’t want to hear or see anything about your lifestyle.” It can come in a variety of formats, but the gist is typically the same.... I have begun to see this phrase as more of a cop out than an actual expression of sincere support.
I was afraid of never finding a community. Just because we are all individuals who want to express our individuality doesn’t mean we don’t want connection, understanding, and community. I don’t want to be a unique, isolated island, nor can I pretend to be someone I’m not.
“I have a gift of so many worlds that I should just take it all. How great is this? That when finally I was all, 'I'm bisexual. Oh my gosh, I get to love so many people!'”
In honor of Frida Kahlo's birthday, The Unicorn Scale takes a look at Julie Taymor's 2002 biopic, Frida.
One question I've received repeatedly, and to be frank, one question I really hadn’t thought much about prior, was “What’s the role of my straight partner in making my bisexuality visible?”
My first [Pride] experience, when in the closet, was life-changing, I can only hope the first time attending as an out and proud bi man will be just as great.
Many bi relationships are openly and visibly queer. But bi people shouldn’t have to be visibly queer in order to be included...Pride has been, is, and always will be, for the bi community too.
Betty is currently in a same gender relationship. Very few people know that and the ones who do, don't know that Betty is bi, they know her as a lesbian. She holds on to two secrets tightly.
Statistically there are more bi folks than gay and lesbian. So where are they all and how do you find them?
Meet Stan, years ago he came out as gay. Later he realized that he was bi, and is now unsure how to come out to his gay community.
This week The Unicorn Scale's guest writer, SB, takes us back to 2005 and the romantic comedy, "Imagine Me and You".
Today we meet Estelle, a woman who is mostly happy with her own bisexuality, but struggles with how to be out to her conservative social circle.
Pride reminded me that every time I go out with my amBi friends, I am also helping to build a visible, vibrant, proud bi community. We're helping to make sure that the B in LGBT is being seen, being heard, being counted.
There’s nothing wrong with queer sex. It’s not gross or abominable. Sense8 showed it can be can be beautiful, and yes, even celebrated.
Bi.org contributor, Greg Ward, sat down with a series of bi folks who are not "out" to ask them about their sexuality, their concerns, and why they aren't out. This week we meet Doreen, she used to live a typical Christian American life. Then her husband came out to her as gay and her marriage ended. Now she is coming to terms with her own bisexuality.
Bi.org contributor, Greg Ward, sat down with a series of bi folks who are not "out" to ask them about their sexuality, their concerns, and why they aren't out. This week we meet Clay, a bi firefighter who is worried that coming out might hurt his career.
I am not an erotic fiction audiobook that exists for your listening pleasure, thank you very much. The idea that bi women just want attention perpetuates the idea that a woman's love for another woman is something for straight men to enjoy.
Bi.org contributor, Blaize Stewart, sat down with his parents to ask what they were thinking when he came out to them.
What we can focus on is the unique reasons why we choose our identity labels, how as a community we face the same struggles, and ways we can work together.
Now I do my best not to assume based off of stereotypes or make snap judgements about a person’s identity or character. I attempt to look at all the possible outcomes of a situation instead of only looking for the most likely one.
If we had the option of immersing ourselves in bi culture, instead of having to choose between gay or straight culture, I suspect most of us would feel pretty at home in the bi spaces.
I thought I was “just gay,” but then I’d remember all of the women I had loved in my lifetime, and all the times I’d cried over a woman I liked, and it was clear that I am not gay.
This had to be a dream out of some corny romance movie with a line like that. But before I knew what to say, I felt myself leaning over and connecting lips with Chad.
I will continue to promote bi visibility and equality, both in and out of the LGBTQ+ community, and hope that the majority of people will not condemn it as an attack, but instead welcome the opportunity to promote inclusivity and respect for others.
From the start we’re given bows or arrows, trucks or ballet slippers, hugs or “stiff upper lip”s. This leads to a lifetime of inequality, both in how we see the world and how others see us.
With what character do you ache to relate, and perhaps already do? It’s okay to feel the bi vibes and embrace them. It's okay to read these characters as bi, who would know better than you what it means to be bi.
Because I don't feel as comfortable around women, deleted my dating apps, and tend to avoid straight places, I meet many more queer men than straight or bi women. Nevertheless, I’m still attracted to women.
Being bi is fantastic, empowering, and just plain fun. Here are some of the things I’ve learned on my journey fighting for bi acceptance.
If only Kelly Osborne had said that she is open to loving anybody, and left it at that.
In a society as heteronormative as this, when LGBTQ rights and issues are still up for debate, we need connection. We need to feel as if we’re not alone. We need to know that our existence is valid and our problems are not just ours alone. We need a team. We need community. We need family.
There are complexities to coming out as a bi man, especially under the scrutiny of a public eye, that fosters this sort of back and forth from gay to straight.
I feel like we sometimes forget to acknowledge the amazing bi folks in mainstream media who are killing it with regards to visibility. This piece is for the women in mainstream media who not only proudly identify as bi, but also advocate for bi equality.
It was such a relief to know that I could keep my bi identity (which had become very important to me) and also acknowledge this other facet of myself. I started identifying as bi and demisexual, or bidemisexual.
Sometimes, dreaming of a better world and sharing your dreams can influence the best and brightest in our bi global family. Never forget you have that bi global family. Reach out to them, know that you are loved by them.
Be your proud demi, pan, omni wonderful self. We all still have one thing in common, we are all attracted to more than one gender, we are all a part of the bi+ party.
It’s my life. I shouldn't have to live in a restricted way just to satisfy the prudish. I am a bi poly guy with no desire to settle down and build a family. I’m an open book. And I’m proud.
This is a common perception in our world. I've been asked who I like more: men or women. What percentage gay am I? What percentage straight am I? I'm 100% bi.
It’s been a long journey getting here, but I am so happy to be out and 100% true to myself. Just a year and a month ago, I was still wearing my “straight” mask, but now, I am an out and proud bi woman and I couldn’t be happier!
Happy birthday, Lady Gaga! Thanks for being one of the very few bi celebrities to actually #SayBisexual. Instead of sneakily hiding behind a "no labels" comment, your transparent example has inspired millions to openly show their #BiPride!
Rave culture's openness and acceptance is a large part of why I was able to come out as bi. It's why I quit trying to be someone else's idea of “normal” and just started being myself.
I don’t think you should feel obligated to put that you’re bi on your dating profile if you don’t want to do so. However, for your sake, and to make your romantic/dating life easier, I would highly consider doing so!
Bi was a word I thought couldn’t include me because of my gender and attraction. I was wrong. Bi has more than enough room for nonbinary genders and nonbinary attraction. Bi includes me.
Frank Ocean is a beacon of visibility for folks who are attracted to more than one gender. His music and words have helped me, and I’m sure thousands of others like me, by showing me that I’m not alone.
Every conversation we had in Egypt eventually led to the question, "you are friends?.." It took me a few days to realize what they were really saying is, "are you lesbians?"
The bi+ community needs to make bi+ spaces for ourselves.
Where was bisexuality in ABC's "When We Rise"?
We’ve always had a moment for gay rights. When will “LGBT rights” organizations have more than a mere moment for ours?
It’s an odd thing to say – that I used to discriminate against other bi folks. But I did. I didn’t think bisexuality was sound or valid. That’s how I was taught. And I was taught wrong.
Often, when we say we’re bi to new folks we meet, we’re the first out and open bi person with whom they've had the privilege of speaking. This puts a lot of weight on us. Because you know that their interaction with you will form their opinion on all bi people for the rest of eternity. (Or at least it seems like that.)
I am bi and I struggle with an anxiety disorder. Now, although I have grown to understand and accept both of these facts, they remain strange and oftentimes unfathomable to others.
Being bisexual, for me, doesn’t mean I don’t care about a person’s appearance. It doesn't mean that I’m only attracted to personality. On the contrary, it means I’m attracted to various physical forms (along with personality as well).
Sometimes, after mentioning my bisexuality in conversation, there’s silence followed by some incredibly frustrating statements/questions. This annoying follow up conversation often keeps us in the closet, so here are some easy scripts to get you through those conversations/interrogations.
[Evan Rachel Wood's words] made me feel comforted, and a little less alone. It gave me hope for a new generation of bi kids, who would hopefully see people like her and feel a little less alone, too.
So many people think of bi folks as “greedy,” as “wanting it all,” as always on the hunt for new, more, different partners, they forget that we are also people who can be alone.
If nothing else, Gaga's example proved to hundreds of millions of people that it is possible to be a woman, a survivor of sexual assault, proudly bisexual, and a superstar.
Even gender studies classrooms may not be safe spaces. They contain the same biphobic microaggressions that bi folks encounter everywhere else in the world. I hope that somewhere out there, people are beginning to have better experiences.
Now, I have a new fear when coming out. It’s not that people won’t believe it, it’s that they’ll somehow belittle my sexuality by thinking it’s “new" or "hip."
If someone is too closed minded to understand something as simple as bisexuality, they aren’t for me. If they are so insensitive that they would say biphobic things to someone they KNOW is bi, they aren’t for me.
Having President Obama in office, someone who vehemently and passionately believes in equality and fairness, told me that we were moving forward. It confirmed what I’d always believed – that the side of equal rights is the right side.
The more out bi people there are and the more we can connect with one another, the less alone we all feel and the more acceptance we will gain.
Roger may not be the average person (or alien) you would tell your kid to aspire to be. Nevertheless, there’s something in his pride, his confidence in his sexuality, and his brutal honesty that is inspiring to me.
I truly believe that there is a man, woman, or genderqueer person out there who would love to date your sexy bi self.
I can look as girly or androgynous as I want. I can climb mountains or sit in drawing rooms (first I’d have to find a drawing room). I am still a woman.
I thought it would be fun to make a "bi book club" list. I figured I'd draw on my knowledge and that of my friends to create a book of the month list and then we could all read through them together.
Introducing Eliel Cruz's new bi monthly column
They should not love us in spite of our bisexuality, but rather they should love us, and the identities that come with us, wholly.
We’ve reached the end of 2016, and what a year it has been. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge all we choose to keep and all we hope to shed as we walk forward into a new one.
When I’m dating a man I can feel myself clinging to parts of LGBT culture harder than when I’m with a woman. Pride festivals become even more empowering than they were before. LGBT clubs feel like even more of a haven. Hell, I even find myself clinging harder to shows and books that feature queer characters.
There was so much to celebrate in 2016, and hopefully the new year will bring even more.
You are bi because that’s who you are. You have no reason to be ashamed of that. You have no reason to feel guilty. You are not alone in your struggle, there are many of us out there, and we know how you feel.
This holiday season, when you need a break from family and all that holiday cheer, why not check out some of these bi TV characters of 2016?
At this point, I’ve now been out for a while, and no longer wallow that many people of various genders refuse to date me. The reason why? I’ve come to see the silver lining.
Why is it that, when I tell you I’m bisexual, the first thing you’re likely to imagine is me having constant sex and threesomes every day? Let me tell you: threesomes are seriously hard to organise, so I should be so lucky!
The concept of coming out to my Abuela and Abuelo is daunting and terrifying... I need to give my own grandparents a chance to accept me, even though it might be daunting.
In a perfect world, we might not need labels, but we do not live in a perfect world.
I recently took an online Sex Addiction Screening Test. Here are my test results. It turns out that I’m probably a sex addict and a lot of other fun stuff.
Bizarrely enough, it was polyamory that forced me to confront my jealousy issues and insecurities. It was polyamory that forced me to dig deep down to see what the root of my jealousy was.
My girlfriend has read and seen everything I've ever done as an activist. Rather than be insecure when I discuss the kind of men I find attractive - she replies 'this is awesome babe, so proud of you.'
I had begun to think something was wrong with me. I thought I was incapable of finding true love. That’s when I had the revelation. It wasn’t me that was the issue. It wasn’t my partner. It wasn’t that we weren’t good for each other. It was monogamy.
Bi.org spoke with Dr. Brian Dodge about his research into how bi people are perceived by the rest of the world and what the potential impacts of the perception are.
I’ve been much more confident in myself ever since I began to embrace my unique femme style and realized that being femme doesn’t make me any less bi.
As Latino LGBT people, our challenges are unique, but so are we to overcome them.
Although I've attended and participated in Prides, I'd never been on the planning side before. I showed up to the first meeting hesitant because bisexuality is often ignored by Pride organizers, but I was immediately made welcome. I loved seeing this whole thing come together, and for me the icing on the cake was when I was made Grand Marshal. Talk about bi visibility!
Please, non-bisexual people, don’t erase my sexuality. We exist, and we deserve respect and acknowledgement like everyone else.
Thanks to all the folks who shared their stories. It is wonderful to know that our community is so large, so diverse, and so proud!
In celebration of National Coming Out Day, we decided to highlight some great coming out stories shared by members of the Bi.org community. Here they are, in your own words:
How does a bi man -- who doesn’t want to be like the stereotypical objectifying straight guy -- reveal that they’re bi in a way that’s not overtly sexual or predatory?
Intimacy is hard for all of us. Like so many of the most important things in life, no one really teaches us how to go about finding it, keeping it, or nurturing it.
In honor of Bi Week and Bi Visibility Day, the White House hosted a Bi Community Briefing with members of the bi community.
Gracefully transitioning between 'gay' and 'straight' culture isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. So, I've been asking myself, when the world is divided into 'gay and straight,' where do I put my effort into meeting a partner when I’m neither?
For those who haven't yet noticed, Bi.org is presenting our annual Bi Visibility Challenge in celebration of Bi Pride Week!
Happy Bi Visibility Day 2016! Here are some things we'd like to see accomplished before many more Bi Visibility Days have passed. What's on your Bi Wish List?
This Bi Week we are celebrating some of the many bi activists who have been instrumental in the LGBT rights movement.
Amy Winehouse was the first woman I had heard use this mysterious word "bisexual." She wasn't afraid of her sexual orientation changing what people thought of her and refused to tiptoe around the label.
Sometimes the Hollywood kiss bores me. It doesn’t reflect my life or my experiences. So here is a list of kisses from fantastic films I love, films that don’t follow that very familiar, very dominant narrative.
The more bi people who are out, the more we will be accepted and someday bisexuality, homosexuality and heterosexuality will all be treated equally. In the meantime, maybe my family will figure it out. Until then, I’ll just keep being me, out and proud.
The message these rulings send out is loud and clear. As far as the justice system is concerned, bisexuality does not exist, and I think that that is unacceptable.
"I was indoctrinated into a kind of machismo culture, which is to say I grew up believing that a man must behave in a stereotypically masculine manner at all times. This meant carefully hiding any parts of myself that might have been perceived as stereotypically 'feminine.'"
When I asked Tara Avery how she became involved in bi activism, her answer was simple. “I just showed up.”
It was a stellar weekend for bi visibility at the 2016 Comic-Con. Clarkes and Constantines descended upon CA, and we’ve got your bi+ round up right here.
By asking me questions like this, people deny the love and intimacy I have with my partner, assuming we are only together for sex; that sex with her could never compare to sex with a man.
What other people may say or think about me, about us, has no bearing on who we are. No matter who we date, no matter who we have sex with, no matter who we fall in love with or marry, we are still bisexual. No one can take that away from us.
Bit by bit, they joined the chorus, and the protesters' megaphones were rendered useless; their futile hatred drowned out by our love. “We're here! We're queer! We're fabulous! Get used to it!” All together, over and over and over....
I never had to come out to him. A fringe benefit of online dating. There it was, my truth right next to my carefully chosen handle: “bisexual.”
Despite the fact that bisexual people are the majority of the LGBT population, bi people and their stories are often conspicuously absent from most LGBT festivals. Fortunately, not this time!
Music has been a huge part of my coming out process. Singing live about my experiences has helped me realize just how many like-minded people there out there.
Every gay person has their coming out story. For a bi person, the experience is different.
There are so many stereotypes about bi people. We are not those things. We are just bisexual.
"Maybe if people could understand that for many of us being bisexual is a permanent not transitional identity, then there was a potential that we could be understood.”
If I’m being honest, I’ve felt anxiety in regards to not being “a 50/50” bisexual. Especially as an activist in the LGBT community, I stress about not being perceived as “bi enough.”
My intention with the #oneofus project is to give bi people something or someone to relate to.
Here are some of the colorful answers our readers gave when we asked them that question.
"I'm glad that things have progressed in the Scouts since I was a boy, but more protections for LGBT people are still needed."