Wouldn’t my life just be a hell of a lot easier if I identified as gay? If I only spoke about, dated, screwed, and loved men? Yes, I believe it undoubtedly would be…if I were gay.
Black Mirror and other popular shows are finally giving us bi characters, so why won't they say the word?
This is where the red flags started popping up. He showed up, and was immediately giving off some very unpleasant vibes.... It turned out that his condition for her dating me was that he would be shown pictures of anything that happened between us, or that if he is in town he wanted to participate.
I thought we were building a real relationship, then I noticed she only treated me like her girlfriend when there was someone there to witness it.
Why? Because I don’t have to worry about getting called names for crushing it to some Britney Spears on the dance floor. I don’t have to fulfill any sort of dress code other than my own personal one.
I’m not going to be the person who shows everyone that bi people aren’t like that, and I’m okay with that.
Finally accepting that I'm bisexual has helped me stop wrestling with my sexual orientation. I'd often be confused about how I could be attracted to guys and girls, because I didn't know what bisexuality was.
At the end of the day, I claim bisexuality proudly. I feel it suits me best. So please, stop telling me I should change my label. I never tell you that you should change yours.
I worry that gay people who condemn Spacey for saying he “chooses” to be gay will then turn around and tell bi folks to just “choose a side” already.
When you dance your pretty little (giant?) heart out to Grace Jones, or Demi Lovato, or Lady Gaga, you aren't dancing to the music of “lesbians in college.” You're dancing to music created by some of the greatest bi singers to walk this earth.
I told her that the bi label will always be there for her. That it absolutely fits her identity, and she should never feel any shame or embarrassment for claiming the label.
As a bi woman, online dating has its own collection of pitfalls.
This Unicorn Scale edition covers my newest, happiest TV obsession – “The Bold Type,” ... This frothy, fashionable, blisteringly smart comedy-drama centers on the adventures of Jane, Sutton, and Kat, three twentysomething women working at Scarlet, a global women’s magazine.
We've all experienced the bummer of bi stereotypes. Here are some snarky responses to keep on hand next time someone says something like, "so, you're half gay..."
I’ve been on #StandBi for quite a while, and no matter who I end up dating, I will still be bi. I am not going back in the closet just because I don’t have enough bi street cred.
Being out has meant different things to me throughout my life, what does it mean to you?
I don’t think that being viewed as “straight” by people, queer and straight, is a privilege. It’s invisibility. It’s a life of being forced to live in the closet.
Many bi people struggle going back and forth between "queer spaces" and "straight spaces," but why does it have to be such a struggle?
Regardless of your lifestyle, you’re still bi, and you’re still a part of the bi and LGBTQ community. Your sexuality is independent of what activities you like to engage in.
My conversation with an Uber driver who just didn't get my bisexuality or my breaking of gender norms.
You've spent the years devising every which way is best to reveal your sexuality to your family, friends, the online world, and the world in general. And then that day came.... So, what now?
This week's Unicorn Scale we look at "Empire" a show that is part King Lear and part Dynasty with a lot of hip hop thrown in. There are also a surprising number of bi characters, let's explore.
Sometimes, just by existing and being your true (bi) self, you’re being an activist. Besides, there will be plenty more times to correct someone when they mislabel your sexual orientation.
This week bi.org contributor Zachary Zane talked to Dr. Sabra Katz-Wise about negative physical health disparities faced by the bi community and what may be causing them.
I’ve struggled with whether I wanted to be a representative every time I mention my sexuality. So I’ve tried different approaches over the years - with varying results.
Most of my gay friends vocally affirm my bisexuality (I wouldn’t be friends with them if they didn't!) but many haven’t seen me interact romantically with women. Bringing up my interest in a woman can still result in confusion as if they forget I’m not only bi, but also do bi advocacy and writing.
If I had it my way, I’d never not work with a fellow bi person. We need each other.
Today The Unicorn Scale takes a look at "Stage Beauty," a movie set in the 17th century where a man and a woman each hope to be the best Desdemona on the English stage.
Now the idea that we’re on teams is ludicrous....being a part of the “straight” team, it is your job to “defeat” the gay team. Whatever the hell “defeat” means in this context.
I’ve learned that outside my personal sphere, there will most likely never be a point in my life when I won’t be faced with coming out as bi.
This week bi.org contributor Greg Ward talks to a woman in a very conservative church in a conservative area. Even though coming out isn't simple for her, she still sees the beauty of her bisexuality and how it allows her to perceive and interpret the world differently than her straight counterparts.
“I support you, I just don’t want to hear or see anything about your lifestyle.” It can come in a variety of formats, but the gist is typically the same.... I have begun to see this phrase as more of a cop out than an actual expression of sincere support.
I was afraid of never finding a community. Just because we are all individuals who want to express our individuality doesn’t mean we don’t want connection, understanding, and community. I don’t want to be a unique, isolated island, nor can I pretend to be someone I’m not.
“I have a gift of so many worlds that I should just take it all. How great is this? That when finally I was all, 'I'm bisexual. Oh my gosh, I get to love so many people!'”
I’m sick and tired of hearing from both gay and straight people that I am 'greedy,' or in 'a phase' and I’m 'gay but too scared to come out fully'... Life isn’t, as they say, ‘black and white.’ We can all agree that it is multi-colored and multi-faceted.
There's something beautiful to be said about being able to just be like the wind; just go where it blows. And I don't have to restrict myself, and nor should I. It's my life and I think life's meant to be enjoyed. You can enjoy anything. I think there would be a lot more bi people out right now if they viewed it like that.
One question I've received repeatedly, and to be frank, one question I really hadn’t thought much about prior, was “What’s the role of my straight partner in making my bisexuality visible?”
My first [Pride] experience, when in the closet, was life-changing, I can only hope the first time attending as an out and proud bi man will be just as great.
Many bi relationships are openly and visibly queer. But bi people shouldn’t have to be visibly queer in order to be included...Pride has been, is, and always will be, for the bi community too.
Betty is currently in a same gender relationship. Very few people know that and the ones who do, don't know that Betty is bi, they know her as a lesbian. She holds on to two secrets tightly.
Statistically there are more bi folks than gay and lesbian. So where are they all and how do you find them?
Meet Stan, years ago he came out as gay. Later he realized that he was bi, and is now unsure how to come out to his gay community.
This week The Unicorn Scale's guest writer, SB, takes us back to 2005 and the romantic comedy, "Imagine Me and You".
Today we meet Estelle, a woman who is mostly happy with her own bisexuality, but struggles with how to be out to her conservative social circle.
Bi.org contributor, Greg Ward, sat down with a series of bi folks who are not "out" to ask them about their sexuality, their concerns, and why they aren't out. This week we meet Doreen, she used to live a typical Christian American life. Then her husband came out to her as gay and her marriage ended. Now she is coming to terms with her own bisexuality.
Bi.org contributor, Greg Ward, sat down with a series of bi folks who are not "out" to ask them about their sexuality, their concerns, and why they aren't out. This week we meet Clay, a bi firefighter who is worried that coming out might hurt his career.
I am not an erotic fiction audiobook that exists for your listening pleasure, thank you very much. The idea that bi women just want attention perpetuates the idea that a woman's love for another woman is something for straight men to enjoy.
Bi.org contributor, Blaize Stewart, sat down with his parents to ask what they were thinking when he came out to them.
What we can focus on is the unique reasons why we choose our identity labels, how as a community we face the same struggles, and ways we can work together.
Now I do my best not to assume based off of stereotypes or make snap judgements about a person’s identity or character. I attempt to look at all the possible outcomes of a situation instead of only looking for the most likely one.
If we had the option of immersing ourselves in bi culture, instead of having to choose between gay or straight culture, I suspect most of us would feel pretty at home in the bi spaces.
I thought I was “just gay,” but then I’d remember all of the women I had loved in my lifetime, and all the times I’d cried over a woman I liked, and it was clear that I am not gay.
We believe that men and women, boys and girls can be a lot of different things, can act a lot of different ways, and that we should celebrate those differences. And that is why this bi guy is happy to call himself a feminist.
This had to be a dream out of some corny romance movie with a line like that. But before I knew what to say, I felt myself leaning over and connecting lips with Chad.
I will continue to promote bi visibility and equality, both in and out of the LGBTQ+ community, and hope that the majority of people will not condemn it as an attack, but instead welcome the opportunity to promote inclusivity and respect for others.
From the start we’re given bows or arrows, trucks or ballet slippers, hugs or “stiff upper lip”s. This leads to a lifetime of inequality, both in how we see the world and how others see us.
Coming out as bi, I've found that many people have a hard time filtering out the inappropriate or uncomfortable inquiries they want to direct at me. While I'm happy to address some of their questions, there are a few that either do not or should not be asked.
Because I don't feel as comfortable around women, deleted my dating apps, and tend to avoid straight places, I meet many more queer men than straight or bi women. Nevertheless, I’m still attracted to women.
This week The Unicorn Scale tackles the time traveling extravaganza, "Outlander".
Content Warning: This article discusses sexual assault and sexual violence
Being bi is fantastic, empowering, and just plain fun. Here are some of the things I’ve learned on my journey fighting for bi acceptance.
If only Kelly Osborne had said that she is open to loving anybody, and left it at that.
There are complexities to coming out as a bi man, especially under the scrutiny of a public eye, that fosters this sort of back and forth from gay to straight.
It was such a relief to know that I could keep my bi identity (which had become very important to me) and also acknowledge this other facet of myself. I started identifying as bi and demisexual, or bidemisexual.
Be your proud demi, pan, omni wonderful self. We all still have one thing in common, we are all attracted to more than one gender, we are all a part of the bi+ party.
While these individuals may not claim a bi identity, what they’re engaging in sexually, is by definition, bisexuality. Sexuality doesn’t always have to include romantic attraction or even sexual activity.
It’s my life. I shouldn't have to live in a restricted way just to satisfy the prudish. I am a bi poly guy with no desire to settle down and build a family. I’m an open book. And I’m proud.
This is a common perception in our world. I've been asked who I like more: men or women. What percentage gay am I? What percentage straight am I? I'm 100% bi.
It’s been a long journey getting here, but I am so happy to be out and 100% true to myself. Just a year and a month ago, I was still wearing my “straight” mask, but now, I am an out and proud bi woman and I couldn’t be happier!
Rave culture's openness and acceptance is a large part of why I was able to come out as bi. It's why I quit trying to be someone else's idea of “normal” and just started being myself.
The Bi Line tackles Katy Perry's speech at the Human Rights Campaign Gala
I don’t think you should feel obligated to put that you’re bi on your dating profile if you don’t want to do so. However, for your sake, and to make your romantic/dating life easier, I would highly consider doing so!
Bi was a word I thought couldn’t include me because of my gender and attraction. I was wrong. Bi has more than enough room for nonbinary genders and nonbinary attraction. Bi includes me.
This week we dive into Todd Haynes' 1998 Glam Rock extravaganza "Velvet Goldmine."
Where was bisexuality in ABC's "When We Rise"?
It’s an odd thing to say – that I used to discriminate against other bi folks. But I did. I didn’t think bisexuality was sound or valid. That’s how I was taught. And I was taught wrong.
Often, when we say we’re bi to new folks we meet, we’re the first out and open bi person with whom they've had the privilege of speaking. This puts a lot of weight on us. Because you know that their interaction with you will form their opinion on all bi people for the rest of eternity. (Or at least it seems like that.)
Welcome to The Unicorn Scale where will be talking about the quality of bi representation in various shows, films, and books. First up is Starz's "Black Sails".
I am bi and I struggle with an anxiety disorder. Now, although I have grown to understand and accept both of these facts, they remain strange and oftentimes unfathomable to others.
Being bisexual, for me, doesn’t mean I don’t care about a person’s appearance. It doesn't mean that I’m only attracted to personality. On the contrary, it means I’m attracted to various physical forms (along with personality as well).
Bisexual characters are the butt of jokes in Hollywood and we’re not laughing.
The writings of Anais Nin were a huge part of my awakening as a young woman. Today, on Anais Nin's birthday, I am reminded that orientation is about so much more than physical attraction. And that there's no one right way to be bisexual.
Sometimes, after mentioning my bisexuality in conversation, there’s silence followed by some incredibly frustrating statements/questions. This annoying follow up conversation often keeps us in the closet, so here are some easy scripts to get you through those conversations/interrogations.
So many people think of bi folks as “greedy,” as “wanting it all,” as always on the hunt for new, more, different partners, they forget that we are also people who can be alone.
If nothing else, Gaga's example proved to hundreds of millions of people that it is possible to be a woman, a survivor of sexual assault, proudly bisexual, and a superstar.
Even gender studies classrooms may not be safe spaces. They contain the same biphobic microaggressions that bi folks encounter everywhere else in the world. I hope that somewhere out there, people are beginning to have better experiences.
Why so many people feel the need to inform me of this dating prejudice, even when I've shown absolutely no interest in them, is beyond me. At the very least, these exchanges are just plain strange. But they are also very upsetting and here's why.
Now, I have a new fear when coming out. It’s not that people won’t believe it, it’s that they’ll somehow belittle my sexuality by thinking it’s “new" or "hip."
If someone is too closed minded to understand something as simple as bisexuality, they aren’t for me. If they are so insensitive that they would say biphobic things to someone they KNOW is bi, they aren’t for me.
Roger may not be the average person (or alien) you would tell your kid to aspire to be. Nevertheless, there’s something in his pride, his confidence in his sexuality, and his brutal honesty that is inspiring to me.
I truly believe that there is a man, woman, or genderqueer person out there who would love to date your sexy bi self.
David Bowie's life reminds us to have fun. Go for it, it's okay to be weird. In fact it's awesome to be weird.
I thought it would be fun to make a "bi book club" list. I figured I'd draw on my knowledge and that of my friends to create a book of the month list and then we could all read through them together.
They should not love us in spite of our bisexuality, but rather they should love us, and the identities that come with us, wholly.
Next time someone tells you that they are polyamorous, please don't assume that they are promiscuous.
When I’m dating a man I can feel myself clinging to parts of LGBT culture harder than when I’m with a woman. Pride festivals become even more empowering than they were before. LGBT clubs feel like even more of a haven. Hell, I even find myself clinging harder to shows and books that feature queer characters.
There was so much to celebrate in 2016, and hopefully the new year will bring even more.
Bi folks are of course people and love all the gifts that people love, but here are some extra awesome gift options for the bi people in your life.
You are bi because that’s who you are. You have no reason to be ashamed of that. You have no reason to feel guilty. You are not alone in your struggle, there are many of us out there, and we know how you feel.
This holiday season, when you need a break from family and all that holiday cheer, why not check out some of these bi TV characters of 2016?
At this point, I’ve now been out for a while, and no longer wallow that many people of various genders refuse to date me. The reason why? I’ve come to see the silver lining.
Why is it that, when I tell you I’m bisexual, the first thing you’re likely to imagine is me having constant sex and threesomes every day? Let me tell you: threesomes are seriously hard to organise, so I should be so lucky!
The concept of coming out to my Abuela and Abuelo is daunting and terrifying... I need to give my own grandparents a chance to accept me, even though it might be daunting.
In a perfect world, we might not need labels, but we do not live in a perfect world.
I recently took an online Sex Addiction Screening Test. Here are my test results. It turns out that I’m probably a sex addict and a lot of other fun stuff.
Bizarrely enough, it was polyamory that forced me to confront my jealousy issues and insecurities. It was polyamory that forced me to dig deep down to see what the root of my jealousy was.
My girlfriend has read and seen everything I've ever done as an activist. Rather than be insecure when I discuss the kind of men I find attractive - she replies 'this is awesome babe, so proud of you.'
When your relatives ask those inevitable questions, these snappy responses will help you relax and get back to the important work of eating.
With season 12 of “Supernatural” already underway, many fans are asking, “Is Dean ever going to come out of the closet?”
We, the queer community, want to say, “What if I chose to be queer? Let’s say I did. What’s wrong with that?” The answer of course, is nothing.
I had begun to think something was wrong with me. I thought I was incapable of finding true love. That’s when I had the revelation. It wasn’t me that was the issue. It wasn’t my partner. It wasn’t that we weren’t good for each other. It was monogamy.
Bi.org spoke with Dr. Brian Dodge about his research into how bi people are perceived by the rest of the world and what the potential impacts of the perception are.
I’ve been much more confident in myself ever since I began to embrace my unique femme style and realized that being femme doesn’t make me any less bi.
GLAAD's annual media report shows that there are more bi characters on TV, unfortunately they are mostly evil or dead. We need more and better bi characters.
It may seem like a long list, but really it doesn't take a lot to put the B back in your LGBT organization
These four tropes in bisexual porn seem to encompass the vast majority of videos tagged as "bisexual".
Why do a fifth of self-identified straight men watch gay porn? My gut response was to say some of these men are actually closeted gay or bi, but I think that’s an oversimplification.
As Latino LGBT people, our challenges are unique, but so are we to overcome them.
Please, non-bisexual people, don’t erase my sexuality. We exist, and we deserve respect and acknowledgement like everyone else.
Thanks to all the folks who shared their stories. It is wonderful to know that our community is so large, so diverse, and so proud!
In celebration of National Coming Out Day, we decided to highlight some great coming out stories shared by members of the Bi.org community. Here they are, in your own words:
Intimacy is hard for all of us. Like so many of the most important things in life, no one really teaches us how to go about finding it, keeping it, or nurturing it.
Throughout the week members and supporters of the bi+ community made us laugh out loud, provided opportunities for enrichment, and gave us even more reason to celebrate. Let’s take a look at some of #BiWeek in tweets!
Gracefully transitioning between 'gay' and 'straight' culture isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. So, I've been asking myself, when the world is divided into 'gay and straight,' where do I put my effort into meeting a partner when I’m neither?
Happy Bi Visibility Day 2016! Here are some things we'd like to see accomplished before many more Bi Visibility Days have passed. What's on your Bi Wish List?
Dr. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli of Deakin University talks to bi.org about her new book "Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men by Women".
I'm certainly not suggesting that bi issues are more important than gay issues, simply that they are different issues that both deserve the same amount of respect. The problem is when LGBT groups and health organisations keep adding 'and bisexual' to the mix to try and pass themselves off as inclusive.
The more time I spend involved in bi activism and talking to other bi folks, the more I hear one major complaint. "No one wants to date me." It normally comes down to "people keep rejecting me as a potential romantic partner because I am bi."
It is all too common for bi people to be rejected by partners of either sex simply because we are bi. For a lot of people, bisexuality is a deal breaker when it comes to dating. This can be due to false and unfair stereotypes about bi people being confused or disloyal, or it can even be because some claims to find bi people "gross."
Sometimes the Hollywood kiss bores me. It doesn’t reflect my life or my experiences. So here is a list of kisses from fantastic films I love, films that don’t follow that very familiar, very dominant narrative.
The more bi people who are out, the more we will be accepted and someday bisexuality, homosexuality and heterosexuality will all be treated equally. In the meantime, maybe my family will figure it out. Until then, I’ll just keep being me, out and proud.
We talk to Dr. Eric Schrimshaw of Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health about his recent study on why bisexual men are not coming out to partners, family, and friends.
The message these rulings send out is loud and clear. As far as the justice system is concerned, bisexuality does not exist, and I think that that is unacceptable.
Biphobia remains rampant, even within the gay community. This is in part due to the fact that bi people aren't coming out in large enough numbers yet.
"I was indoctrinated into a kind of machismo culture, which is to say I grew up believing that a man must behave in a stereotypically masculine manner at all times. This meant carefully hiding any parts of myself that might have been perceived as stereotypically 'feminine.'"
Ask most bi people, and they will tell you that the majority of biphobia they experience is from within the LGBT community itself.
Schrimshaw found that many men aren’t “confused” about their (bi)sexuality. They know they are attracted to both men and women; however, they aren’t open about their (bi)sexuality because they fear stigma, ridicule, and being outed.
We are not entertaining ourselves with women until we find the "perfect man." We are not kissing for attention or ratings. We are bi women, and we are still bi no matter whom we are dating.
Just like not all lesbians are "butch" and not all gay men are "queens," not all bi guys are a gay man's stereotyped fantasy of masculinity. Our sexual orientation is more than your porn fetish. Sorry.
It was a stellar weekend for bi visibility at the 2016 Comic-Con. Clarkes and Constantines descended upon CA, and we’ve got your bi+ round up right here.
So please, I know you mean well, and I’m flattered, I truly am, but stop asking me and my boyfriend to make out. Stop telling us how hot it is. Stop objectifying our queerness and love.
By asking me questions like this, people deny the love and intimacy I have with my partner, assuming we are only together for sex; that sex with her could never compare to sex with a man.
We are a generation that loves our labels, married or single, black or white, team Edward or team Jacob. The problem is, when it comes down to sexual orientation things are not so black and white.
I want to focus on why I love being bisexual. Why it is not only a blessing, but a privilege that I was able to discover my (bi)sexuality. And even if I was magically presented the option to press a button and turn either gay or straight, I would never, in a million years, change my sexual orientation.
What other people may say or think about me, about us, has no bearing on who we are. No matter who we date, no matter who we have sex with, no matter who we fall in love with or marry, we are still bisexual. No one can take that away from us.
When someone comes out to you, it is not about you and your feelings. It’s about them opening up to you and trusting you with a part of their life that is very fragile.
This guide is a handy tool for bisexual people who want to educate friends and family, as well as for non-bi people who want to know how to be good allies to bi people.
Despite the fact that bisexual people are the majority of the LGBT population, bi people and their stories are often conspicuously absent from most LGBT festivals. Fortunately, not this time!
Let’s hear it for the Bis! We’re celebrating some of our favorite bisexual characters of the 2015-16 tv season. Are yours on the list?
For literally everything else in life, humans can like more than one thing - and usually without judgement. It shouldn't be inconceivable to think that some of us have the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender.
Saying that Clarke being with a man is a bad thing because he is a man—no matter the context—is biphobic.
Every gay person has their coming out story. For a bi person, the experience is different.
There are so many stereotypes about bi people. We are not those things. We are just bisexual.
In modern pop culture the only indicator of bisexuality is behavior. Beyond even that, we can’t assume the character will stay that way. In reality we know bisexuality is in and of itself valid and not a phase.
The orientation (and the people who represent it) have gone from being ignored and actively erased by the media to being part of society's grand narrative.
My intention with the #oneofus project is to give bi people something or someone to relate to.
Bisexual activist Nicole Kristal has a message for journalists and politicians who leave the B out of LGBT.
In an episode of British comedy Vicious, character Freddie Thornhill, as played by Ian McKellen, dismissed the very idea of bisexuality.
Why do people who would never dare be so confrontational with another human feel totally comfortable policing my dog’s gender performance?
Bisexual.org has a THRIVING Facebook community over 70,000 members strong. We've tapped into our shared wisdom by asking our community what THEY feel are the most common MISCONCEPTIONS about bisexuals. Here are their TOP answers.
Sexuality is not a binary; it’s not all gay or straight. There’s a pretty good chance you’re going to date someone who has, in the past, been romantically involved with someone of another gender. You may date someone who, in the future, will date someone of another gender. It’s not the end of the world, and it shouldn't affect your relationship.