Bisexual = Sexually Available? Weigh in on Community Advice

11061964_746131455484710_8456111466767788232_nThe question at the Bisexual.org’s weekly Community Advice is one that every out bisexual has had to deal with, either subtly or blatantly.

Here’s the question from Scott:

#BiCares Community Question – Lately when I tell people I am #bi, all that guys hear is “sexually available.” Anyone else have the same problem? How do you adapt? – From Scott, Facebook Fan

Some of the responses are familiar too, eh?

Daniel Mantilla They always assume I´m gay. I don´t really care what people thinks, except when it comes to the girls I like, in which case I make very VERY clear I also like women… but mostly everybody thinks I´m a still closeted gay.

Ruth Hares Often times gay men think that bisexual means “I can sleep with you but not have a relationship with you”. I think it has to do with negative stereotypes of Bisexual men. Best thing to do is find someone who accepts your Bisexuality and loves you for you.

Kris Stone Sexually available, and down for a threesome actually tend to be the message….not always, but often enough. I have decided that if I ever date another man again, he would have to either be bi, or very open minded and not thinking that I am polyamourous or sexually perverted.

Rhys Jones I wonder if the way to tell people, when they ask ‘ who are you attracted to? ‘ is to say ‘ i’m attracted to…… people ‘ and describe the kind of person you like, then, later on, explain that you have no gender preference, or no gender barr, or that you have a preference but not exclusivity, etc, whatever it may be for you, and leave the label ‘bi’ til the end. This focuses the attention on your values and interests, and away from stereotypes. 

But then, the above does sound very ideal. If people were totally open and accepting we wouldn’t need to think about these strategies. So, maybe, this is a strategy for talking with a person whom you think might be sympathetic, but also unsure of their own opinions.

Jason Turner Some see bisexuality as a greedy thing. I’m not greedy, but I have the ability to low both genders, and be equally turned on by both genders. It unfortunate that’s by see bisexuality as just a sexual thing.

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Mike Szymanski
Mike Szymanski has written about bisexual issues since 1989 and has one of the longest-running regular bisexual columns as the National Bisexuality Examiner. He came out as bisexual in a cover story of Genre magazine, which resulted in more than 50 television appearances, including Ricki Lake, Phil Donahue Show and 20/20. Szymanski won the Lambda Literary Award in 2007 for co-authoring an informative humor book “The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe: Quips, Tips and Lists for Those Who Go Both Ways.” Write him at [email protected]