Questions & Answers

Why do bisexuals need to come out in the first place? Can’t they keep their sex lives to themselves?

Coming out is not about flaunting your sex life or airing private matters.  Coming out is about putting an end to the lies and is about being honest with those around you.  Hiding your sexuality requires an ever-growing web of careful pronoun changes, deliberate omissions, and strategic misrepresentations.  Not only does it get exhausting, all that dishonesty creates barriers between you and other people.  All that deception is bad for your self-esteem and for your soul.

Coming out is about living with integrity, and connecting openly and honestly with others as your true self.


The better question is whether anyone needs to tell anyone else about their private lives, whether it's sexual or not. For instance, you might have credit card debt and not want your dad to know. But as long as he doesn't know, he can't give advice, which is partly what dads are for. Or, if you meet an amazing guy/girl in college that you want to marry, but you don't tell anyone, then no one can be happy for you.

People tell other people about their lives in order to get approval, or advice, or a sense of connectedness. Human beings are group animals. We need to share things. It's very unfair to see other people receive comfort about a bad breakup, or receive relationship advice, or instant recognition that they're "together" with the person next to them so that they don't get hit on in public places...and be an invisible group that people don't want to give that support to. Of course bisexual people are going to choose to come out, because they want the same social benefits everyone else has.


It also can help other people know that you can be bisexual and fit or not fit societal stereotypes about bisexuals. I can attest to the importance of finding "gay conservatives" (Andrew Sullivan and Bruce Bawer, specifically) whose books I was reading in the 1990s that actually thought that it was possible for two men to be monogamous (as opposed to the right wing and many gay authors on the left who thought that two men couldn't be monogamous).


Since only a few close friends and family members know that I'm bisexual, and most don't believe it since I'm married, I have often pondered the whole "officially coming out" thing.

It's tough because although my husband accepts my sexuality, he would not want the whole world to know, since it may reflect poorly on our marriage or hurt out business - as we own a business together.

I still am not sure if coming out would be the best thing to do, but would love to help those around me who may be struggling as well.


I am out to my sister, three of my wife's cousins (one of whom is gay), and several close friends. I choose not to come out to my two brothers, and my in-laws (because of their closed mindedness); and I don't want to put up with all the drama that would entail.


It is entirely up to the individual and you definitely do not have to come out to everyone. I came by accident on Facebook I commented on a LGBT group post and one of my friends liked it. I didn't think if they were not in the group people on my friends list could see it. So I figured no use hiding it now so I posted a status that I am bisexual and the comments and support I received has been amazing so I am glad I did and no longer have to hide my secret


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