Questions & Answers

Why can’t you bis just make up your mind and pick one [gender]?

To ask a bi person to pick one gender is to ask them to pick a sexuality that is not their own.  It is like asking a straight, gay, or lesbian person to only be attracted to people born on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday – to do so is entirely arbitrary and demonstrates a basic misunderstanding of what it means to be bisexual.


Well, we can pick one person to be with, but we can't turn off our attraction to opposite gender of the person we're currently with. That's like asking a straight man to choose not being attracted to women anymore. How could he? Even if he told himself he wasn't, if a sexy woman walks by, he's going to have an involuntary reaction. Arousal isn't a voluntary thing. It's an automatic thing our brains and bodies do.


Why do you have to "pick a gender" in order to be considered a true sexual being, with a solid understanding of yourself and your sexual identity? To me being bi means that it's ok NOT to choose. I can't just leave out 50% of the people I'm sexually drawn to in order to have some solid label. I'm not thrilled with labels, but I do have a sexual identity - I'm bisexual. I like having choices and that doesn't make my sexuality something that it's not. Making me choose would make my identity something that it's not.


I agree with Amaryn that being bisexual describes your desires but it is left up to the individual bisexual (just as it hopefully it is for everyone) to choose whether to act on it or not and what way they will act on it. I would even go further in the definition that bisexual should even cover people who, for either political or religious reasons, consciously rule out being romantically or sexually involved with one subset of gender identities.


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