Questions & Answers

Isn’t bisexuality just a stop on the way to identifying as gay or lesbian?

Absolutely not! That narrative may be common to the personal experience of many gays and lesbians, but that hardly changes the nature of bisexuality itself.  The fact is, many bisexuals identify for a while as gay or lesbian before they settle on a bisexual identity.  It would be just as valid to say that gay and lesbian are temporary identities on the way to a permanent bisexual identity.  Obviously, neither statement is accurate or fair.


Actually, my mom thinks "bisexual" is a stop on the way for me identifying as straight! That I can't admit I was "wrong" about thinking I was a lesbian. I identified as a lesbian for four years before falling in love with a man and confusing the heck out of myself. And now, I'm married to him, and I still get attracted to women.

I was raised firmly monogamous, and I don't want to "share" my husband, so it would be unfair to ask him to share me. If my high school crush had actually liked me back, then I would have been dating her when I got a crush on my future husband, and I would have opted not to pursue him.

My point is, bisexuality isn't a stop on the way to anything. SAYING you're bisexual can be a stop on the way to SAYING that you're gay or lesbian. If you are bisexual, then once you've got crushes on people on both genders and you learn the word "bisexual", you've arrived.


Want to respond to this question? Sign up