Questions & Answers

Is bisexuality complicated?

Bisexuality is no more and no less complicated than any other sexuality. And yet, many monosexual people (straight, gay, and lesbian) find bisexuality confusing. The root cause of this is that straight, gay, and lesbian sexuality divides humanity into two categories – two biological sexes, one of which is potentially attractive to the person, and one of which is not.  It is a binary view of the world in which sexuality itself is neatly and tidily divided into a “we” and an “other,” into “us” and “them.”  For example, a straight man can feel safe and secure that he is heterosexual because his attractions to women set him safely apart from gay men.  Similarly, a lesbian can derive clarity around her own sexuality and identity based upon her relationships with other women.

Bisexual people come into this dominant, binary view of the world and blow it apart.  Whereas straight and gay/lesbian sexuality is defined by a boundary between two sexes, bisexuality transcends any such boundary.  Because bisexuality is not based upon an immutable dividing line between two sexes and is therefore defying the very foundation of heterosexuality and homosexuality, it is sometimes incomprehensible to people who are not bi.  That doesn’t make bisexuality complicated.  It just makes bisexuality different.


As I see it, the concept of bisexuality itself isn't complicated. However, I think that if someone were to follow the course of my attractions (sexual and/or romantic) over the course of my lifetime, strictly looking at gender, it would be more complicated than it is for my equally romantically unsuccessful straight friends. That said, there are many bisexuals who don't have shifting attractions over the course of their lifetimes.

At the same time, if you were to compare sexual and/or romantic attractions over the course of a bisexual's and a monosexual's lifetime, focusing on something like the religiosity or employment patterns of partners, it wouldn't be necessarily any different.


I feel bisexuality can be complicated, if you're bi the way I am, I feel I like to have one person of each gender in my life in order to be happy. And unfortunately I'm with someone who isn't ok with sharing me. I feel it's unfair to ask my wife to share me with a man, but also feel it's unfair to me to basically feel like I'm going to be unhappy without both genders in my life. I feel we can't win either way.


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