Questions & Answers

Can you tell a person is bisexual just by looking at them?

No, you can’t. Bi people come in all shapes, all colors, and all sizes. Many bis fit in with cultural norms and read as “straight,” while many set off people’s “gaydar” across the room. If we fit people’s expectations of a straight person, most people assume – incorrectly – that we are straight. If we fit people’s expectations of gay/lesbian, most people assume – incorrectly – that we are homosexual. On top of that, people usually label us according to our current partners which, unless we happen to be poly and walking down the street with a man and a woman at the same time, also leads others to label us incorrectly.

The bi equality movement has long had to fight for bi visibility. Although bis are the largest group under the LGBT umbrella, it is still common for people to question whether we even exist. It’s not that the doubters are bad people, most honestly just don’t realize that they already know bi people. Even many bi people don’t realize how many other bis they already know! Because folks don’t understand how many bi people are out there, bi people are often left out of LGBT-oriented outreach and are left feeling isolated and alone. To help combat this invisibility, in 1999 bi activists designated September 23rd as Bi Visibility Day. Every year since then the conversations and celebrations around Bi Visibility Day have only grown.


No one would guess my Bisexuality unless I told them. My wife is the closest person to me. And I plan on telling her but am waiting for the right time. I am monogamous in our marriage, so I am reflecting on my past. I've been with a few men during my years in the military. But I've also been married for over 29 years and have raised a family. It's only now, at midlife, that I think about being with a guy who would be like-minded. I'm not out to hurt anyone, but I wonder about what it would be like to feel those same attractions again.


Just by looking at me, you would probably never think I was anything other than straight. People think that women who like women are "butch" - with the masculine stride, the short hair, the gruff attitude. But that's just a stereotype, and I am not like that at all. Even knowing about my life, you would likely think I'm straight. I have only ever dated men. I am married to a man and we have children. My favourite actors are the rugged, muscled, manly type that so many women like. I once had a friend (who was bisexual) tell me that she thought I was very attractive but knew that I "wasn't into that." I laughed inside. She still has no idea that I'm actually bi too.


No most people see me as straight and shocked when I tell them I am BI


Goodness, I wish. I would be so much more social if I knew who was bisexual. I think there is a bit of difference between straight people and queer people but you can never be sure.


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