6 Things I Love About Being Bi

9/17/2018

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Continuing in the spirit of celebration this Bi Pride Month, this week, I want to discuss something short and sweet: Why I Love Being Bi.

While we undoubtedly face many challenges as bi+ individuals, there are also a number of reasons why being bi is the absolute best! If I could magically snap my fingers and turn myself either gay or straight, I would never do it — not in a million years. Despite all the discrimination I face as a bi person, I still absolutely love being bi.

Here’s why:

1. The Sex

I usually talk about sex in the end of list articles (or not at all), because I don’t want to perpetuate the stereotype that bi people only care about sex. But you know what? Sex is a huge part of our sexuality, and something we shouldn’t feel ashamed of discussing. The truth is, sleeping with folks of all genders is one of the best things for me about being bi. Having sex with men, women, transgender, and genderqueer people is different, special, and fun in various ways. I love being able to be a bottom with a guy, and that’s a different experience than being pegged by a woman, which I also enjoy. I also love being the more dominant top. I love it all!

Oh, and fun fact, actual research has shown that bi people are better at sex. YUP. It’s because we’re often less concerned with traditional notions of sex and feel free to explore different and exciting things. In her textbook, Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men by Women, Dr. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli writes that women report bi men make the best lovers because they’re more generous and considerate than straight men.

2. The Community

While not as prominent as the gay community, there is still a thriving bi+ community — one I’m honored to be a part of. I truly believe that the bi+ community is one of the most welcoming and inclusive communities in the entire world. I stumbled into a big bi group of polyamorous Burners [people who attend Burning Man] in Boston while I was dating my bi boyfriend. A group of over 50 of us would have parties where literally every single person there was bi. It was so cool to be in a space surrounded by open and accepting people.

3. Being Bi Has Shifted My Priorities

Last week I shared how I experienced confusion, anxiety, and self-loathing in the years I was in the closet. I couldn’t sleep. I had to be hammered to have sex with men. When I finally came out and embraced my sexuality, I realized what’s actually important in life. While it sounds cliche, it’s good people and good relationships. I no longer have time for people who don’t accept and embrace me for who I am. Life is too short, and I’ve already wasted too much time.

4. Being Bi Has Made Me More Empathetic

So many people still question and doubt my sexuality. That’s why I always take people at their word. I know the value of personal experience. I believe transgender folks when they say they’re trans, because just like them, I’ve been dismissed for a fundamental part of my identity. I believe sexual assault survivors when they say they were assaulted. Being bi, I can better understand and appreciate other folks who experience judgement for who they are.

5. Being Bi Has Helped Me Reject Binaries

Bisexuality isn’t black or white. It doesn’t mean we like men and women equally. It means that we like multiple genders to various degrees. Being able to see all the shades of gray in my sexual identity has translated to being able to see the world in shades of gray. Unlike the rest of society, I’m no longer obsessed with binaries. I know that most conceptual things exist on a spectrum.

6. I Have More Types Of Meaningful Relationships

My bisexuality has helped me have more types of relationships than strictly platonic or sexual. There are different types of love, attractions, and connections that I can have with various people. I don’t need to put my friends and lovers into boxes. We can allow our relationships to evolve and take numerous forms.

For all these reasons and more, I love being bi! Happy Bi Pride to all my bi+ brothers and sisters out there!

Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane a Brooklyn-based freelance writer, speaker, YouTuber, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, identity politics, relationships, and culture. He's a contributing editor at The Advocate Magazine, a columnist at Bi.org, and currently writes for The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Out Magazine, and PRIDE.