Questions & Answers

Don’t bisexuals just want to “have their cake and eat it too?”

That question sounds a lot like envy!  Besides when you have cake and don’t eat it, all it does is get stale and moldy. Do you want to get stale and moldy?  We bisexuals just want to be true to ourselves and live with integrity.  That happens to include the fact that our attractions aren’t limited to just males or just females.  We didn’t choose our sexuality any more than you did.


But to think of having both genders as "cake", then you have to be bisexual. A lesbian doesn't find men to be "cake", so she wouldn't want to keep a man while she has a relationship with another woman. A straight man isn't interested in other men anyway, so why should he want to keep a man dangling on the hook when he's dating a woman?

If the question is, 'Do all bisexual people date people of both genders at the same time, non-exclusively,' then the answer is no. I dated and married monogamously.

On the other hand, if the question is really, 'Do bisexual people want to experiment with someone their own gender and then go on to marry someone of the opposite gender?' I'm sure sometimes that's true. Because stepping outside of the cozy world of straightness can be cold and terrifying.

But anyone willing to stand up and say, "I am bisexual," is forfeiting the invisibility of straightness. If we wanted to "get away with" experimenting, we'd continue to call ourselves straight.


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